Ok so I just need to vent to feel better 🤦🏻‍♀️. For some background I’m a FTM and my son is almost 4 months old. He’s exclusively fed breast milk whether it’s pumped or breast. He has colic and reflux and is SO FUSSY....

My problems are, I really love breastfeeding and I’m honored I’m able to do it (had a traumatic chest injury that led to some sewing of one of my nipples and was told scar tissue may prevent feeding). But I’m EXHAUSTED. He’s never had problems latching, it’s been a breeze, but I hate having to pump all the time/stress about my supply. My sons weight has been good, but does fluctuate down a bit and I’ve talked about formula for weight and colic but my husband refuses. He’s concerned about the cost which I get, but we have no financial concerns at all.

On top of all that, I was forced to get a new job by my husband so that our schedules would work better for the baby, so I went from working 2 days a week to five. It’s better pay, but it’s not my dream. My day looks about like this: I get up at 3-4 depending on the last time my son fed. I pump, shower, get his things ready for daycare and mine ready for work, feed the dogs and get him to daycare by 7:15. I work until 4:30 when I pick him up and then SOLELY take care of him and the home until he goes to sleep between 9-10. My husband went back to night shift so he sleeps until he leaves for work. I GET NO HELP. On top of all this, I’ve wanted to get my doctorate (of nursing) and have been accepted to school but for me I just can’t see making it all work with no help. My husband is pushing me to go back so that I will make more money.

And on top of this all- it’s a shit show I know, I had to have a major surgery 2 weeks ago. My husband dropped me off, didn’t even stay, and picked me up. I rested while in recovery but went right back to my mom duties. I was supposed to take 2 weeks off with no lifting for 4-6 but that was just plain impossible. I returned to work after just one week. My husband Still. Did. Not. Help. Me. So now two of my 4 incisions have popped open and ones infected.

He doesn’t wake up at night on the weekends to help (he claims he doesn’t hear him cry), and there’s some days he doesn’t even pick him up or hold him, play with him etc.

I feel like such a bitch for flat out bashing my husband but god damn I need some help for my sanity (and YES I’ve tried to have this conversation with him).

Rant over. 😕🥴