I feel defeated. I am so incredibly heart broken. If you have seen my post back in August (4 weeks ago) I had an ectopic pregnancy at 6 weeks. I lost my baby and part of my left fallopian tube. It was the most traumatic and worse pain in my life.

Well last night September 13 changed my life again. I never thought this would happen.

My husband and I had sex around noon and we have had sex multiple times since my last ectopic emergency surgery. They said as long as you had no pain and no bleeding you were good. Again it had been 4 weeks. Well I ended up getting a sharp pain in my lower abdomen and we stopped. I got up and ended up in the shower and here comes pain that I previously felt with my first ectopic pregnancy I was bent over in the shower with excruciating pain, nauseous and tears pouring. I was thinking "omg! Am I going through this again...but how?" I get out of shower lay in bed and the pain subsided enough that I was to get up and move around slowly. I kept thinking maybe I ripped open a stich on the inside and maybe I'm bleeding out. So about an hour went by I started bleeding pretty heavy. I kept telling myself it is nothing...i am okay. I called my insurance nurse hotline and she was like you need to go now. So I still contemplated about going but was thinking about my two kids and if I am bleeding out I don't want to die and leave them. So I went.

Got to er...they did urine, blood and ultrasound and vaginal ultasound. Pain level compared to last time was not as high. 4 weeks ago I was screaming uncontrollably...this time it was like 5 on a scale. No pain medicine needed. Well dr. came in said I was filling with blood fast and unsure what is going on until they get in there and look. So I had emergency surgery again last night at 10pm.

I woke up to find I had another baby that was in my right fallopian tube that burst. The dr had to completely remove my right tube and he said my left in non functional. I kept saying "no! no! no!" while tears ran down my face and he was like yes...we will talk more in the morning about everything.

I am heartbroken, shattered and devastated 😢😢😢😢💔💔💔

Update:

I had a baby on my right fallopian tube that implanted and ruptured. I lost 500ml of blood. The tube was not salvageable as he said it was destroyed. There is not much of the left tube at all. He asked if we were done having kids and I told him we wanted one more. He told me my only option now is

<a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>. That's so expensive and a huge obstacle to take. I can say I never thought I would go through this. I feel for all the women that have had to go this way or conquer an obstacle in their way to become a mother. I am extremely grateful to God for the 2 babies I do have it is still sad and crappy situation for any women to go through. My love and prayers to all you ladies!!!🙏🙏🙏❤❤❤

With feeling defeated I alot of healing and thinking to do. If anyone needs somebody to talk I'm here.