Im really starting to hate myself

I have moments where I break down and I feel useless and usually I try to go to my fiancé and talk but most of the time it ends up in a argument and I feel worse so I just shut up and kept everything to myself which is why I breakdown but what else can I do. So I told him when i get like this im just going to keep to myself till I feel better, but the next day I text him good morning babe and sent back so what are we doing today, now mind you that whole night I was crying trying to not self harm and I was just hoping that my fiancé would try to help but he said Im always getting upset at him and always starting arguments so if im upset I keep to myself but that doesnt work out either.. I am starting to hate how I am and honestly I don't want to be here anymore... I've spent my whole 21 years of my life trying to make others happy but I always fail at that, I've always been very angry with everything because I never felt one slip of happiness in my life..

Im just tired