WARNING ⚠️ DRAMA ALERT

I need some advice on how to handle something a bit delicate.

My boyfriend has always had financial issues with his family... he has been a provider for them since we were 14.

His mom told him he was the man of the house and needed to make this money. So she basically forced her son to be out in the streets hustling because of child labor laws.

13 years have passed since then and she still ALWAYS has her hand out. She will rob Peter to pay Paul... asking him for $400, giving his sister $700, and then turning right back around and asking him for $300 more because she gave money to his sister and she needs it.

If he says he didn’t budget for that, she’ll say ok. Then she’ll ask again. Let him say no 3x though and she’ll get their extended family and his dad involved too. So the extended family will blow up his phone to lecture and shame him (she literally twists the truth and lies to them, so they think he is some leech or mooch). So they all tell them he’s just like his (formerly drug addicted, alcoholic, abusive dad... which makes no sense). She has a whole routine. And then at night is when his dad will call and completely fuck up his head, and he will call 20x in a row and then use someone else’s phone if he gets blocked.

So my boyfriend can’t fucking save, because he can’t tell them no. He breaks down after a week or so of these daily calls and shaming so... fuck his dreams I guess.

Even when he did get his own place (right after leasing a car in his name for her... a car she promised to pay for and swore she could afford bc she just got a raise), she stopped paying the car note, and lied about quitting her job. So then he had to cover the car (which she’d let sit unpaid for a while before telling him it was about to be repossessed) AND her rent while also responsible for his first-ever place of his own plus his own car and he just couldn’t DO all that. He was already working constantly. She kept saying it’ll only be a couple months but oh please help me something came up... and strung him along and he ended up losing his apartment, which combined with the car being unpaid for so long destroyed his credit. He had to move back in with her. She didn’t start working again until he lost everything.

He stayed with her, started his own business and shifted to only working for himself so he wouldn’t have to be so stressed with his crazy work schedule (he had 2 full-times, one was night shift and he was just not doing well with that mentally ). His business lasted a year before the pandemic.... he lost contract after contract. When that happened she kicked him out and he moved in with his sister bc he simply didn’t have the credit to be a renter and the situation was so shaky he wasn’t sure what he could commit to. Rent is 1500-2000 for a one bedroom here, and he hasn’t been “an essential worker” since we were 16 & 17.

We are planning to save 9.5k and then we’re moving to the beach. Because one day he told me he would love to live by the water but that that was a luxury. I wasn’t going to hear that though because there’s a beach an hour away and as far as I’m concerned, the Creator put it there right along with me, myself, and if I wasn’t supposed to stand in awe of it and enjoy it then neither the beach nor I would be here.

The thing is, I’m worried about this financially abusive cycle he’s in with them. We’re opening a joint account to keep the funds decidedly separate from any of our personal cash and we’re saving over half of what we’ll be earning (I’m STILL double furloughed [I had 2 jobs] so I’m going to find another job, and he is trying to get a pandemic grant for his small business but will be picking up a job with me since that’s not been working out).

At the moment he is living with his sister and dealing with the fact that she also always has her hand out. It doesn’t matter what he pays her on a regular basis, she always asks for more “for gas” and “to feed her kids” and “to replace” this or that but she doesn’t feed her kids and her car is always on E... yet she’s high every day. That’s where the money goes. Weed. If you give her $70 to feed her kids she will get a Little Ceasar’s pizza 🤢 and some hot pockets and then spend $50 on weed. Then they’re hungry the next day. She doesn’t even bathe her 7 y/o autistic son... her 14 y/o daughter has to do that and she is practically responsible for him. I’m not even going to talk about her 18 y/o... bless.

I was already worried about this dynamic but lo and behold I’m now pregnant.

How do I navigate this? I have no issue saying no and my no is non-negotiable. My momma always told me to let my no mean no, and nobody ever pushed HER around :3

I also don’t give a damn what his extended family has to say. If they harass me I’ll block each and every one of them and if his dad gets on his crazy blow your phone up shit I’ll charge him with harassment. He literally grabbed the wheel and tried to careen his son off the road and then called the cops crying assault bc my boyfriend had to punch him to make him stop... all on the highway. He’s CRAZY. Luckily it was all on camera or his son would have done to jail off of a LIE. So I will not hesitate to get a restraining order because seriously fuck that madness.

His mom has already started spreading rumors about me to the extended family, I overheard her straight up making shit up A YEAR ago to people I’d never even met so... I’m pretty much banking on drama & letting it be, like water off a duck’s back. I will love them from a distance and keep it moving.

But does anybody have any advice? I just found out about the pregnancy and it’s extremely stressful for me rn. I haven’t even told them yet.

But it rly complicates our plans and a lot more is at stake now.

My boyfriend and I already spoke about what we’d do if I got pregnant. We’re on the same page. But like I said this changes things... now I have to worry about the fact that we’ll have a family of our own and these people will be trying to snatch food from our kid’s mouth and the roof from over our heads. And I am not going to play that shit.