EDIT: we agreed on weekends because of his work schedule and we don’t want the child bouncing back and forth from house to hosue. When the baby gets older and wants to do that, we have no problem with that, but we want stability.

No negativity or judging please, it’s no different than a surrogate.

I have a friend who is about 20 years older than me. I’m in my mid 20’s and he’s in his late 40’s. I have 3 children, he has none. I want another baby and he wants one but neither of us want to commit to marriage as we’ve both been previously divorced.

Over dinner a few days ago I cracked a joke about how “we should just have a baby together” because we both want the same thing and are friends and we both would be good parents of a child together. It was a joke but last night he brought it up and asked if I would be willing. He said he’d want to sit down with a lawyer and have a custody arrangement drawn up and signed before the baby was ever conceived or born.

We agreed that IF this happened...

- I would have sole legal and physical custody. We agreed on this because the mother does the majority of the work with babies and since I have kids I know more about what’s best for the child, but I would still take into consideration his feelings and I would have to inform him of everything that involves the child.

- He would get weekend visitations where he would come to my house and stay. We agree that he could come over nightly too if he chose because we live in such close proximity.

- he would pay $500 a month in child support, plus childcare expenses, and insurance.

- we agreed that certain people wouldn’t be allowed around the child and that neither of us would bring significant others around the child unless both parents approve AND we have to be dating the person for at least 12 months. We don’t want just anyone around this baby.

- we also agreed that the baby and I would both be beneficiaries to his life insurance and he said if I chose to do this with him he agreed to buy me a new car of my choice and will help me put down a down payment for a house along with helping take care of all my prenatal costs.

I know this sounds crazy but it allows him to have a child and be a father and allows me to have another child and even helps my other children and I with more financial stability. We bother know each other and trust each other, he’s great with kids but his clock is ticking and he’s getting older so he feels like his time is now. I want to be done with having kids but I do want another but I’m picky about people and don’t want to have a baby with a stranger.

Is this crazy? Has anyone done this? We aren’t worried about the negative impact this could have because if we have had babies with other people, we would have to deal with drama, custody battles, and just a ton of drama. Us agreeing, we don’t have to worry about that. We’re okay with spending holidays together, birthdays together, nothing romantic, just about a child. This child would be born to 2 parents who love him/her and get along. Most children are born to parents not together or into drama, and not living together anyways. This is a child born into a world centered around him/her.