Recreation or schoolwork? (please read)

Question

So this is a reoccurring thing.
My husband and his ex seem to be going back & forth about this and we (he and I) would like to know general opinion.
My 14 yo stepson is a procastinator. He takes his time off in the weeked, so he's not studying.
He has his hobby on Monday from 8pm to 10pm but bedtime is supposed to be 9pm (as agreed upon by mom & dad) but is delayed on monday for his training.
Last night he still needed to study, he hadn't practiced before because he assumed he would just forget all about it. So by the time he found the right pages and how to study for his test, (and we ate) it was 7pm, then he didn't understand the material and we had to work with him so he could understand, he had 2 breaks of studying, after studying it was 9:30 pm
Because he started too late (by 7pm monday, while the test was assigned on thursday for Tuesday) his dad and I feel like his schoolwork needs to come before his hobby.
His mom, however feels like his hobby should come before anything and if he hasn't studied, he should get up earlier for school to review in the morning or check on the schoolyard with his classmates. 
So I guess our question is:
Would you value his sleep and his schoolwork (allowing time for breaks during studying) 
Or would you value his 2 hrs recreation? 
He himself seems to understand why he isn't going and doesn't complain about it. 
His brother knows their mom will get pissed when he doesn't go to his hobby so he'll complain about it to their mom.
(ps: not sure if it matters, but his hobby is purely recreational.)

Answer

School and sleep are more important. By 14 he should have some idea of how to prioritize and organize his time. At that age my parents were never checking on me to make sure I studied or did my homework of setting times for recreation. I just managed these things myself.

Answer

School and sleep of course are a higher priority.  Having said that, does the recreational hobby involve other people relying on his presence and participation?  If yes, then this needs to be used as a teaching opportunity.  He needs to start thinking about his own priorities and time management.  He should be learning to pace his school work and not waiting until it’s too late and has to cram.  That is also not an effective way to study on a regular basis.  So for him, it should be very important to learn to not procrastinate anymore.  He has to be responsible for his school work, his obligations to others(including his participation in his hobby) and getting healthy sleep.  Perfect opportunity for him to recognize he has responsibilities that cannot just be given up.  He has to plan ahead so he can fulfill all obligations.

Answer

School and sleep are a priority. No studying/homework = no hobby. He may not learn how important his education is unless he is taught to prioritize it and sometimes that may mean “oh you didn’t study for your test? I guess that means no hobby this week. That’s a bummer.” 🤷🏻‍♀️

Answer

School takes priority ofc. But he should also be able to spend 2 hours a week on his hobby. At 14 I was on a competitive dance team and doing 10 hours a week at the studio. By grade 11 it was 15 hours a week. I managed my time and did well in school. My parents trusted me to get my work done. A few times that meant after practice I was up a bit late finishing an assignment. A few times it meant I didn't do well on a test or assignment. It was a lesson and I learnt to plan ahead better. I was well equipped for college to balance my time with work, school and fun.

Answer

Why he just cannot do his homework before his hobby? If he does it right after school then he wouldn’t have to do it late at night or early in the morning

Answer

School and sleep. 
I say those two as a person who played sports year round starting at 4 years old. We (my siblings and I) knew that if we didn’t have the grades we didn’t play. 
At 14 he should be better with managing his time and priorities. Once I hit 7th grade (12yeaes old), my parents weren’t asking me about my homework or anything. I made straight A’s so it was never an issue for me. As long as my siblings grades were up, they weren’t policed on school work either. They were both adhd. 
I say sit down and have a talk with him about time management and priorities and how important learning this now will be for his future no matter what he decides to be when he grows up. Then ask him how he thinks he could do better. If making a schedule would work for him, ask if he’d like help making one. Maybe a school planner? Calendar reminders on his phone if he has one? 
I think maybe mom and dad need to have a talk too. Mom needs to make school and sleep a priority. If a child or adult doesn’t get enough sleep, it can mess with their health if it’s an all the time thing. Maybe he needs to find a spot for his hobby on the weekend. 8-10 on a Monday night seems super late for an extra curricular activity even for a 14 year old. We were always done by 8 no matter the sport. And even earlier once school sports started.

Answer

Any parent who thinks a recreation is more important than sleep or school work probably doesn’t deserve to be a parent🤷🏼‍♀️

Answer

I think this is something you all need to sit together with him and see what he wants to do. 
I loved sports and extra curriculars. An if I didn't get good enough grades or didn't try hard enough my parents took me out of them. This made me hate them with a passion during junior high and high school. I was diagnosed later with ADHD and after some medication and time adjusting I was actually able to sit and focus on my material. Being taken out of the activities really I feel like impacted my social life during that time. An it impacted my self worth. It was really shitty to have something I enjoyed taken away from me. 
He's 14 he's on his way to being a young adult. Start treating him as so amd include him.

Recreation or schoolwork? (please read)

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