Before infertility, I traveled the world- so carefree. I remember my biggest concern would be what I was wearing to dinner and how my hair looked. I used to dance on bar tops without a care in the world, and laugh so genuinely. I used to take the small things so seriously, like how I was going to squeeze a nail apt between work meetings and where my friends and I would have “girls night”

But then I started trying to have a baby and my entire life changed. I have been down this journey for 925 days now..

There is now a ping of sorrow behind every laugh, my trips revolve around ovulation calendars and dr. appointments. I forgot how it felt to just “make love.” I find excuses to not hang out with my friends because I no longer feel I can relate and don’t want to drag them down with my sadness. I make an effort to appear happy, and I’ve mastered crying in my car before coming out and acting completely normal.

I miss who I was before all of this and I grieve because I know I’ll never be “her” again..