Broken down by him

Never in a million years did I think I would write this. It may be pathetic to some but I’m sure others have felt this way. I have loved someone in secret for 6 years. Yes I have dated and let me tell you it was an awfull experience. One was married and I didn’t know I really liked him so much I talked to him on and off for 4 years . The other one lied to me and ghosted me when I was in the icu. Then he came back 3 months and left me again when my grandpa died. Those experiences I wrote in a few words but trust me they destroyed me for so long . One thing that keeps me going was him J us what I called him. He was the only guy in my life who loved me. Who went everywhere with me . He made me feel like I mattered and I was worth it for him. He drove miles to see me he cried with me he listened to me. I couldn’t have asked for better . We dated for two years till I messed up things ended but we didn’t loose touch. Very birthday day I looked foward because that’s when he would speak to me again. Evertime I was sick or lost someone there he was . I didn’t see him for 3 years when I did it felt like nothing had changed no time has gone by. Now he moved in deleted me of everything . I will never know if him and that destroys me so much. A week ago he messaged me I went to see him. I was so exited cause I thought he would talk to me again or add me back. But I was wrong he basically told me that the only reason he had came to see me was for sex. That was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to hear. I felt so low like trash . How could someone that I love with everything in me say that. He has no idea what I feel for him . He won’t ever know he broke me with his words. I always had the idea that at least he cared for me that he didn’t hurt me like every other guy has . Now that’s not true . I am so sad cause now I k ow nothing of him and he said that to me . All he wanted was sex . 6 years of my life wondering and thinking for things to end like this.