Four years ago today is when I had found out I had a missed miscarriage. The baby’s heart had stopped at 6 weeks and 5 days. My ultrasound was 8 weeks and 2 days and in my gut I knew it was a girl. Her name was Clara. Since then I have had the most beautiful girl bless my life and I wouldn’t trade her for the world, yet I still wonder what life would have been like with my first baby. Today, my sweet Addie was sitting at our window overlooking the front porch and proclaimed “I cannot move! My sister is coming today!” She isn’t the most verbal (almost) 3 year old so when those words came clearly out of her mouth my husband and I both looked at each other with curiosity. We asked her what she was talking about and she said “my sister, like me!” I have been a blubbering mess since then. I just needed to get this thought out of my head and in to words to hopefully make the rest of my day a little easier, even though I know it will still be the worst day of my life to date.