I feel like such a bad mom my son is 6 months and I get frustrated with him over the smallest things like for example this morning I got frustrated because he woke up 3 times last night then decided it was time to start the day at 7 am (he normally sleeps til about 8:30-9) and I was exhausted so I got really mad. Which I know I shouldn’t but I never get any type of break from my baby except to go to work which isn’t really a break. I don’t feel like a person since I had my son. I never get to go out and do anything any more, not that I ever went out much before having him but I just miss getting to actually have fun instead of always watching stupid kid shows never being able to take an eye off my son... I’ve already been diagnosed with PPD but I refuse to accept the fact that I have it. It makes me feel weak and like a bad mother for having it I’ve been prescribed meds but I refuse to take them because I shouldn’t need them to feel normal. Normal people don’t need medication... the only thing that helps me is smoking weed but I live with my grandmother who’s very old school and sees weed as like crack so I can only smoke it once a day. Usually after my son goes to sleep if not I’ll take him for a walk in the stroller and smoke. I’m about at my wits end I feel like I’m about to go back to a mental institution (I have a history of being in psych hospitals) I just don’t feel like I can do this anymore I’m about to lose my my mind. My baby daddy even offered to take my son for a week or two so I could have a break but I can’t bc I’m with cps ... I just don’t feel in control of my life any more and I’m really about to go crazy