I made my boyfriend cry 👀

So... I’m pregnant. I’ll be two months in a week. And my boyfriend is jobless. Blah blah pandemic blah, but he quit his job before the damned pandemic to chase some money that never fell off the money tree. Something to do with a business he had in partnership with a no-good fool from the city, because he thought he’d make more in a few days than he would in a month at his job. He’d taken the weekend off, they’d said he needed to come in or he might not have a job to return to (they forgot to cover his shift even though his time off had been approved) so he quit. Turned out there was an aspect of the other business endeavor that wasn’t legal and he backed out and there he is, no damned job, no damned nothin. AND he’s on probation so it’s hard for him to GET a job, now. All because of some weed.

I’m not anti weed so if you want to know why I dated someone who smoked weed or who got in trouble for weed... keep wondering.

But if you wonder why I kept dating someone STUPID enough to quit his damned job in his situation, I don’t know. I didn’t need him to provide for me and I never asked him for anything.

Now though, I’m pregnant and he knows it and he’s talking about getting a contract when that could take GOD KNOWS HOW LONG. He is living with family and crashing on his friend’s couch. He accused me of trapping him 😂 I swear to you ladies I was calm and listened to his trash talk and let him process in his own way until he said that because I couldn’t help but ask: trapped WHAT?

Yes he has his own business, yes he’s done contract work for himself, yes he has a trade that he can make money from... but the fact of the matter is he didn’t make enough to live on with his last contract and he hasn’t had one since (COVID was a factor). He seems content to do the bare minimum because he has low expectations of what’s possible on probation and because he is depressed.

So I told him to come by to apply for work and he secured an interview that day on his own and I said great please proceed to apply to these jobs I just sent you... and he wouldn’t. He had THREE HOURS to get to his interview but didn’t even apply to ONE of the jobs I sent him (one of which would have taken all of five fucking minutes).

I told him I’m stressed and it’s giving me nightmares (and I am, and if is, and it is making me worry about this baby) and I’m tired of having to wonder if he is going to pull through because he’s already behaved disgracefully regarding this pregnancy, blaming me like I inseminated myself, made distasteful jokes (always clarifying that it’s a joke as if it makes it any less distasteful) about how he’ll need a DNA test (I have PTSD. I knew him for a decade and loved him yet it took a full season for me to let him touch me and I still had difficulty, and he KNOWS I fucking just can’t stand to be touched by any man that isn’t him). He has done ZERO things but take me to appointments. I told him so, and I told him I know he has talked about me like a dog to anyone who would listen, so that I’m over here looking like I’m some unstable, scheming bitch when the truth is we discussed family planning and we agreed to do this together should we come up pregnant. He just conveniently failed to mention that when he accused me of scheming and doing this on purpose 🙄 HE REFUSED CONDOMS how the FUCK is this on ME? and HE KNEW I HAD PTSD well before he even asked me out and I brought it up as a barrier to our relationship so WHY WOULD YOU THROW IT IN MY FACE NOW!!!!? I told him I didn’t know how anyone could love me and he said he should have left me when I said that. Like sorry years of abuse made me question whether or not I was worthy of love, didn’t think you’d let me be that vulnerable and throw it back at me. And that on top of telling people the only reason he didn’t leave me before was because I indicated I’d harm myself if he did 😂 😂 😂 ooooooh that shit made me so fuckin mad (I heard it through the grapevine l) because I would NEVER say some shit like that (that is ABUSIVE as hell), nor is it true. The last thing that would make or break me would be a MAN 😂 why would he even say some shit like that? Why is he being so fucking FAKE?

Anyway, I told him I’m stressed and he needs to contribute YESTERDAY because we have savings goals and as of this moment I’m the only one who has moved us toward that goal and he needs to do his half, without delay.

I also said: why are you content to be unemployed and live off of people? Why do you find that acceptable? (I know I must’ve had the most STANK face because I truly am disgusted) and you NEED to turn it around because it’s shameful and you should be embarrassed.

His mom told me he was torn up that I said that and that he actually cried.

SIGH.

Glad it got to him because he ought to be ashamed of himself.

I love this man and I recognize he has lived through many years of terrible abuse, HE has PTSD, himself, and he is struggling but he is (outside of the disgraceful way he conducted himself at the beginning of this pregnancy) a trustworthy, deeply kind and thoughtful person who has always, always been gentle and loving with me. But ENOUGH WITH THE BULLSHIT. I know he grew up in an environment where people lied on each other but how dare he revert to that, with me, and imagine I would ever be able to look at you the same? I told his mom, look, your son is acting like a little sissy and if he doesn’t buck up and show up I am leaving his no-count ass.

Now that I’ve confessed and bitched all of that, I’m having some water and nursing this all day headache.

I told his ass my family is fertile as fuck and it could happen, wrap up or stack up. Time to stack up. 💰