What was it like long term after leaving an emotionally abusive husband?

Question

Hi, 
Some of you may have seen my last posts about my marriage, my husband was emotionally abusive, manipulative, and sometimes physically abusive. I left him 5 months ago now. Mentally I have done much better than I have in years. My depression and anxiety have greatly decreased and even my children are happier and all around doing better.
The hardest part has still been facing the great question of did I make the right choice. Could he have changed, why was I never enough, and what if I regret it, as he kept saying I would. A major issue I’ve also had is constant flashbacks of times he had abused me or threatened me. They become very overwhelming at times. But then I also remember the good times we had, his sweet side and the reasons I fell in love with him and it breaks my heart. He says he’s changed, but I know he hasn’t. Even now he will bring the kids back after his weekend and in one breath tell me he’s changed and wants me back, then have an outburst of how I’ve “never truly loved him” then tell me about the hot blonde he went out with that week. All of which I’ve just learned to nod and say that’s nice. 
On the flip side, without looking a new man came in to my life, he is hands down wonderful, he’s a kind heart like I’ve never known and is the complete opposite of my ex in how he treats me, he wants to spend time with my family and friends which is new because my ex never did. But I struggle with never feeling like I deserve to be happy, or that I’m a bad person for falling in love with this amazing man because my ex is still trying to get me back no matter how many times I make it clear that it’s not going to happen. I hate it.
I’m wondering if it ever starts to balance, if the flashbacks ever slow down, if the worthlessness and never feeling good enough fades, or when you stop feeling guilty for finally being happy.

Answer

My ex fiancé was emotionally and physically abusive. We never had kids together so he is completely out of the picture which I think makes a big difference so I’m not sure I can answer your question but for me it’s been almost three years and it took a lot of work but I feel pretty free. I feel happy for my growth. I feel like most days I deserve the good that has come my way the last couple years. But it took a lot to get here. It took therapy and hard work on my end to overcome that feeling of what if he got better or what if he was right and I’m not deserving of love etc. I had to change my entire perspective and live life more in the moment. I know I had some big milestones along the way and even setbacks where I almost returned to him (for the millionth time) but the work was worth it. Just keep working on you. You deserve a good guy and happiness. No man will change unless they want to and he’s had enough chances to prove to you he won’t. Tell yourself in the mirror you deserve happiness. Write it down and read it often. It takes time but I think you will feel better with that time and effort.

Answer

The hardest part for me was not getting into another shit relationship. I left a blatantly abusive relationship to a subtle one. Take time to go to counseling and to find yourself again. Also, learn to establish and assert healthy boundaries.

Answer

My ex fiancé was physically, emotionally abusive. It got bad. I got pregnant and honestly didn't get out of the relationship fast enough and lost my son at 28 weeks and 3 days. It was horrible. I blamed myself alot, was diagnosed with severe PTSD. Never felt like it was going to get better. I had alot of rough relationships afterwards due to me not feeling like I deserved things to be good. And feeling I didn't deserve to be happy. Thought I would regret leaving him but honestly I am just more upset that I allowed myself to stay with him for so long. People don't change from abusive... they've already let themselves go too much. I can tell you its hard for a good long while! But as much as it won't seem like it... it gets better. It gets easier. Eventually those flashbacks will get less and less. Im now happily married and 35 weeks with our son and could not feel healthier. Im here if you ever need to talk! ❤ you did the right thing by leaving I promise you.

What was it like long term after leaving an emotionally abusive husband?

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