Sorry this maybe long 😭 I am 38 weeks today. My due date was 8th November but midwife called and said I am being admitted to hospital tomorrow and having a csection the day after because of placenta previa and vasa previa.

I have known about placenta previa since 20 weeks and have had follow up scans since. They found vasa previa at 32 weeks I knew csection was most likely going to happen but I'm still not prepared mentally for it.

I have 2 older children 10 and 14 years old both vaginal births.

So many emotions I just can't relax.

Feeling like...

I'm not ready and I can't seem to picture having a baby. Like her corner in our room is set up but I still can't picture her here?

It's been almost 9 months for me to get my head around the idea of a new addition to my family but I still haven't got my head around it..

This is really stupid but I'm worried she will be "ugly" like I can't imagine what she will look like? I feel so bad when I think like this 😭 I'm worried somthing will be wrong with her even tho my pregnancy and everything like tests and scans have been ok. Apart from the placenta.

I also feel that I won't make it out of the csection? I don't know why but fear is taking over me and I can't seem to think positively.

I worried about my other children like I feel like I haven't spent enough time with them before baby comes 😔 I feel like a failure..

I have been really stressed and moody the past week or longer and I've been taking it out on my children and partner. I'm always apologizing to them for snapping because its not them I'm grumpy at it's everything thats running through my mind 😭

I just feel so useless like I don't deserve these amazing people in my life. I don't know what to do or how to cope 🥺

Is it normal to be thinking like this 🥺 any advice to help me through 🙏