Depression sucks.

I just need to vent and I’ll try to make this short.

I’m newly married to my best friend of 7 years. Before him, i was dating a wonderful guy for 2 years. He was perfect. He was totally in love with me and he demonstrated his love everyday but I wasn’t in love with him. I loved the idea of him and that my family took him in and accepted him into the family. One day I woke up and I just felt awful - knowing I didn’t love him the same way. I broke it off because what i was missing with him, I felt with my best friend. I always knew my best friend and I had something but I was too afraid to try because I never wanted to lose the friendship if It didn’t work out. Fast forward and we’ve been married for a month now.

My parents are divorced but both still hang out with my ex boyfriend - I have not seen either of them since my wedding but they go above and beyond for my ex. It hurts me because my parents have caused a lot of emotional trauma in my childhood that I see a lot in my present. My parents don’t see how it’s wrong, especially because they talk about him in front of my husband.

I’ve never had a close family and my husbands family is so United it actually scares me. I’ve pushed them away because I’m afraid to let them in. My family doesn’t like me because they’re catholic and they know I’ve had an abortion. I’m a disappointment because of it. Early on I realized that the church wasn’t for me and they tell me everything wrong in my life is because I never let God in.

I try so hard to please them but enough is enough.