So I’m a sahm of 3. 7, 4 and 11 month old. While pregnant with my third I developed APD (depression while pregnant) but 6 months after I developed PPD which then turned into regular depression.

I was diagnosed with depression, bipolar and anxiety. My doctor put me on 4 types of medication which none helped so I stopped to try and get some counseling.

Covid happen so it pushed it and now they want to do a phone interview but I can’t do it my anxiety prevents me (long story), so I’m back to square one. As part of my anxiety I get frustrated and angry very easily, I also have frequent beak downs so I’ll leave the house to catch my breath.

I’ve been with my SO for 11 years we are each other’s first so he’s seen me go through a lot and at first he wasn’t very understanding as he thinks everything is all in my head.

Eventually he came around after seeing how everything was effecting me and tried to help but now he’s gonna back to his old ways which sucks cause it doesn’t help my situation at all. I have sleeping problems as well so I got the idea to try to smoke weed when my kids go to sleep! My SO’s mom is a huge pot head so she brought 2 blunts over for me. I smoked one a few nights ago when my kids went over to their grandmas house for the night and after it helped me fall asleep instantly I felt amazing and actually slept a long time.

My SO grew up knowing his mom was a pot head but never did it himself and thinks it’s a dumb thing that doesn’t help anything and pretty much it’s a gate way drug🙄. When I told him I smoked he kinda threw a little fit and told me if I’m gonna get addicted to drugs I can leave now which made me start laughing.

Anyways my question is “should I smoke if it helps me or do I leave it because he doesn’t like me doing it?!”