116,197,133 BETA

sorry but just had to vent somewhere

had my FET on the 17/10,things were going great,was put on progesterone,progynova,clexane,supplements,vitamins,NAC,at 4dpo got my very faint line then going darker,10 days later had my hcg done was low but good,116,then 2 days later started to have bad pain on my left side that bad that was hard to sit down or walk or lay down,went to my gp couldn’t find anything,no infection no nothing,had another blood test,hcg was at 197,she suggested an pelvic ultrasound,it was too early,all they could see was a small cyst,nothing else,but the good thing was that after 3 days of constantly pain it went away,the symptoms went away as well,had already the feeling that the baby it’s not gonna survive this roller coaster,then yesterday evening got a call from my gp that the numbers are going down,i knew it inside me but refused to accept it,still had some hope,then an hour later got an email from my specialist with the congrats as he was on leave and write to me that all i had to do was to continue with progynova and clexane,forgot to mention that the nurses from the clinic after they confirmed the pregnancy told me to stop the progynova,after i’ve told my doctor about it,all he tells me is if i stopped them then i have to stop the progesterone as well,now,i’m just sooo confused,WHAT IF it played a big role with the hcg?i feel that this time it all went wrong,i did everything by the book,healthy food,vitamins,medicine and still nothing good,now this morning i’m starting with the period cramps,no bleeding yet,i know that once the numbers go down they won’t go up,but feeling so sad,depressed,all in one,been trying for a baby for the last almost 7 years now,feeling like there is no hope for us,i got to the point where i can’t even cry anymore,it just got me dry,sorry everyone for the long post but it’s hard when you can’t share it with nobody,as everyone ask the hardest question every time,WHEN IS IT GONNA HAPPEN??? well now i got to the point where all i want to say is NEVER! as we are not as lucky as so many are,thank you everyone for your support ,wish you ladies baby dust and good luck,i think it’s time for me to step back for a long period,wish you the best!