So when I was younger my next door neighbor and I were literally best friends, but then as we got older just drifted apart for whatever reason(even though we still live right next door to each other).

I was out the other day with working/organizing things in my garage and had the garage door open to let cool air in while I worked.

Well I was out for about 30 minutes or so and saw my neighbor pull up into her driveway and was coming back from school(I’ve already graduated because I’m a year in a half older than her and don’t go to HS).

I noticed she got out of her car and just did a little wave since I was a little bit out of my garage and we could actually see one another. She waved back then went into her house and I just kept doing my thing.

That was until about 20 or more minutes later, I here someone say “hey” and I turn around and see her.

Now we’re super awkward with each other and the only time we really ever interact with each other is when a package has gone to the wrong house and needs to be picked up, someone needs to borrow something, or just little(short) things like that. So I was really surprised to see her and wondered if she or her mom needed something.

She said they didn’t need anything and nothing had gone to them by accident, she just wanted to talk to me about something we did when we were younger.

Not knowing what she’s going to bring up, I just say go ahead.

She gave me a warning that I could be offended by it but she wasn’t trying to upset me, but then continued on.

She asked if I remembered playing house with her. I said I did.

The thing is when we would play house when we were kids, she would always be the mom, wife or girlfriend, and I would always be the “male” figure. Which I really didn’t mind because I was more of a tomboy anyway and was a people pleaser even at the age of 4, 5, 6 years old.

But we would honestly do questionable things. We would give each other pecks on the lips like real couples even though we were mostly grossed out by it. And just did some other things I rather not share.

I try not to remember that stuff because there are somethings that I definitely could of gotten from or “learned”‘from my older brother sexually abusing me(I’m still not sure if it’s linked because I only remember one thing happening with him, but there’s some stuff I did there is no way I picked it up from just tv shows), and also I turned out Bi with more of an attraction for women, and think it started with her and I never knew, so that’s also what makes feel awkward around her...

But anyways....

I answered some what truthfully. I said I remember sometimes playing it, but don’t have full, clear memories.

Well, she then asked if I remember us giving each other pecks on the lips.... I didn’t want her to feel embarrassed about bringing it up and pretending like I didn’t, because obviously she’s going somewhere with this.

So again I say yes, but try not to think about because it’s kind of embarrassing to think about.

She agreed with that.

But asked me if my parents ever kissed me on the lips and that’s were I got it from(some families kiss their kids on the lips past babyhood m, but my family NEVER did that). I said I just got it from tv shows I’d see either my parents watching or my older siblings.

We talked about a bit more until she explained why she’s bringing this all up after so many years of us not talking to each other.

She learned that some kids when they’re young if they’ve been sexually abused, they do it to other kids not knowing any better.

At this point I really started to get uncomfortable with where this was possibly going, but let her just keep talking.

I told her I heard about that as well just to keep the conversation going.

She then asked me if some of the things we did that I would come up with, was a result of sexual abuse with someone in my family.

That definitely triggered the memory I have with my older brother and could feel myself wanting to cry, but I wasn’t about to have a random breakdown in front of her.

But she could honestly tell that something wasn’t right with me and said if it was, she wouldn’t tell anyone I was. She told me she didn’t even tell anyone about what we ever did.

Feeling some type of trust in her and her words, I told her the truth.

I told her straight up that there was one time that I remember clearly of something inappropriate happening with my brother, but have the thought constantly of what if he did more and my brain is blocking it out, and that’s why I knew about some of those things we did.

Some tears slipped out from my eyes at that point, which I hated because she just had this pity look in her eyes and face and I hate when people look at me that way but understood why she was looking at me that way.

She apologized for asking such a sensitive question and triggering me in some way. She also said she was so sorry that happened to me because my brother seemed like such a awesome older brother(even better than hers).

I told her it was alright and that just happens sometimes, but I’m learning how to cope and react better with it all.

We talked about some other things and then she left(but before she left she swore she never tell anyone, especially anyone in her family about this and I’m grateful to her for that)(her mom likes to gossip in a way so I’m glad she’s not like that)

But I can’t stop thinking about our conversation. Like how did she learn that and then why did she think of me and the stuff we did or I suggested then we did because I didn’t know better? I’ve always felt so sorry towards her especially because some of the things we did were questionable(never sexual though)(thankfully).

I’m honestly debating on wether or not to try and catch up and become friends again, but maybe I should just leave it as is.(?)

Just was a odd conversation that I needed to get off my chest.