SUPER LONG POST.

I had severe depression in my teen years. It started when we had to move from my childhood neighbourhood and not only was I given the most awful going away present by my "friends", but being terribly introverted I struggled to make new friends (I literally don't talk to anyone from the school I ended up going to anymore). The one girl in my grade I was friends with ditched me to be friends with my sister rather because she was more outgoing and popular.

My family also didn't really understand me and just thought I was rude and they favoured my sisters. I realised my grandmother much preferred my other sisters when, the one day my older sister thought she was cool and started throwing pieces of fruit at me in front of her and my friends, and I did the same thing and my grandmother gave me such a hard smack across my head in front of my sisters friends and my friends. No punishment for my older sister who actually started it.

I was also quite sickly in my younger days and if I had to miss church for it, my grandmother would shout at me. My younger sister also just had to pretend she was sick to get out of going to school but I was always sent no matter how ill I felt. I was forever being sent home.

I was telling my aunt and uncle about a funny scene in a movie and they looked at me like I was mad, but my older sister came home and they started speaking about the same thing and they laughed and laughed over it. My aunt also phoned to shout at me the one day my mom was late picking my younger sister up from her house, like I (a 15 year old) could do anything about it.

My mom would ground me over the stupidest things, like being half an hour late for curfew on a Saturday, but my older sister who was two HOURS late for her curfew on a Wednesday got no punishment. My younger sister got drunk with her friends at age 12 and they all thought it was hilarious.

Anyway, I grew more depressed and started acting out because of it. Sneaking out, stealing, running away (just once though and for a few hours only). I feel absolutely awful when I look back on it. I also started self harming and my mom didn't realise until my husband told her when I was 17.

I realise now my mom was also battling her own depression. My dad helped where he could but he wasn't in a position to let me move in with him. He would spend hours talking to me on the phone to give me advise.

We moved to go rent my aunt and uncles house because they left the country but didn't want to sell the house. We all lived together for about two weeks before they left. Around this time I met my now husband but they didn't like him because they thought he was a bad influence on me so the one day I lied about where I was going. I got home later than I said they would and my mom, grandmother and aunt were all just waiting for me, shouting at me about where I was. My aunt called me a waste of space and a piece of shit. I was 16. The next day she drove me an hour away to go live with my dad until they left because they didn't want me to be a bad influence on my cousins, but then they asked to see me at the airport before they left.

When I was sick, my grandmother forcefully threw an orange at me and told me to get some vitamin C, but when my younger sister was sick she bought her chocolate milk, biscuits, fruit, etc.

My older sister was always taking my clothes, so the one day I borrowed her shirt. For some reason my younger sister got so angry at this and started fighting with me so much my grandmother got involved. I can't remember exactly why but they ended locking me out the house for house in winter while I was wearing nothing but a thin long sleeved shirt and they'd open the door every now and again and laugh at me. I was locked out for a couple of hours before my mother came come and they let me back in. We had a carport with wooden poles and I had written on them how I hated life that day in a permanent marker.

My aunt and them came back to the country a few months after they left for a visit and my cousins saw what I had written. I had also spilt a bit of paint which I had tried to clean right at the back of the house during this time. My uncle shouted and shouted at me about disrespecting his home and told me he was going to lay a charge of vandalism against me if I don't clean everything. I was still 16 at the time.

We also had a helper and she was specifically instructed not to clean up anything of mine. I wasn't allowed to use the washing machine so I had to hand wash my school uniform, and I wasn't allowed to use the iron either so my clothes were always crumpled.

Eventually I accidently got pregnant when I was 17 and had an abortion a few months after my 18s birthday. We weren't irresponsible - the condom broke and plan B failed.

For some reason my husband's mom started disliking me too and by the time I was 20, I wasn't even allowed in their home anymore. I have NO clue what I did wrong, neither does my husband. His mom has made up stupid reasons over the years as to why she doesn't like me but its all just nonsense. Stupid things like when my husband was in a car accident, I declined her offer to go to lunch while we waited for him to be discharged (which was a lie too, her boyfriend offered to get me a snack from the coffee shop but there wasn't even an offer for lunch).

Anyway, I've just been thinking a lot about that lately and it's making me really sad. I still have depression but I've learned to manage it better.