It’s been almost 4 years since I found out I was pregnant. We were not trying, but I was over the moon. We lost the baby, and the healing process has been so so slow. I love this time of year, approaching the holidays, but I also absolutely hate it because it’s when everything happened. We’re still young and figuring out life, so we’re not trying yet, and probably won’t be for another few years. Thinking about having a three year old right now just shatters my heart. I miss my baby and I wish I at least got to meet them. Every month when my period doesn’t show (I have PCOS) i just relive everything. The fear and elation of possibly being pregnant, even though I know it’s so unlikely with using protection. Seeing friends with their babies and pregnant bellies is so bittersweet because I am genuinely happy for them but at the same time I am jealous. I worry I’ll never be able to have kids when we do start trying. Right now I’m just sad, and I miss my baby, and that’s okay. I can wish the healing would speed up, but I know that it comes with time and letting myself feel everything 😔