Hello,

I can use some friendly advice. I am dating this guy from Nigeria who is an engineer. We are dating non exclusively. Regarding positives he is very attentive and affirming. He is open about his life and ambitious.

Backstory: I notice that he tends to make judgements against black americans (I'm black) and classist statements. I am very liberal so that bothers me, but not a deal breaker.

He makes " recommendations" about my appearance. He doesn't like that I wear glasses because he cant see my eyes. He does not like that my hair is cut short and feels it will look better longer. He wants me to be open to getting a sew in.

Last he is confused about me not letting him around my 2 year old son. This restricts the time we can spend together because I am usually not available in the evening until after 8pm, when I put my son to sleep. However, I am free in the mornings and afternoons during the week. I dont have him around my son because we have only known each other for a few weeks and I dont want any guys around my son that I am unsure will be around for a while.

Problem: Yesterday we were talking about dating exclusively. He says he wants to hold off on dating exclusively. First he says because he hasn't really pictured how my son would factor in to our dating relationship. Then he says he is looking for a certain image in a woman and certain things about my appearance (i.e. me not willing to get a sew in and not willing to wear contacts) doesn't fit into his image.

I question him further about this and he says that it is symptoms of a larger problem. He says I he feels I am being stubborn and compromising and unwilling to grow. He states that he wants more time to think about whether he wants to be in a relationship with me. I find his comments confusing, because he is hella judgemental arrogant. He says that he works on his arrogance.

I am agree I am very stubborn. I am someone who assumes I am right until proven wrong. However, I am not completely closed off to feedback. Also I don't feel I should be labeled stubborn when telling someone no and asserting myself.

Question: So, here is my question. Am I being stubborn or is he full of shit.? Or is it both? Is this a red flag or a deal breaker?