My husband and I have been having problems and have a lot of resentment built up over the years. We argue a lot and have a lot of communication issues and miss understandings. We been going through marriage counselling and it’s come to a point where my husband was mad at our counsellors that we are not any better than where we started, basically he has lost patience with the process of healing and rebuilding on top of being billed for what he thinks was not a “session”.

We have 2 counsellors that do our sessions together with us for marriage counselling and then when each of us needs we do individual sessions, so my husband has 1 of the counsellors work with him and I have the other. So basically we each have one of them that is “our independent counsellor”.

So I had a session with my counsellor about issues we were having and then in an argument with my husband I said to him that I spoke to my counsellor about the trust issue. My husband took it that my counsellor is instigating my mistrust with my husband and he got mad at my counselor and emailed her asking what she said to me and claiming that she is contributing to creating a toxic environment. Basically he was deflecting the issue amd putting it on my counsellor. My husband then spoke with his counsellor and because he was mad about the whole matter not understanding that I am the one that felt a lack of trust towards my husband and she is not instigating that feeling in me, it’s already there. Well he ended up spending an hour on the phone with his counsellor and it was not a schedule session but I assume my husband venting to his counsellor is therapy in itself. Well then a few days later they billed him for that conversation he had with his counsellor which he claims was just about sorting out the fact that my counsellor would not tell him what she and I spoke about because of confidentiality. So then after getting the bill for that conversation, he went and got mad about getting a bill when it wasn’t a scheduled session and it was a conversation about his “dissatisfaction” with their services.

So then he took that out on his counsellor about their services saying things like they are not working towards our best interest on top of sending him a bill for a session that he did not know was a session. But really my husband blew it all out of proportion and not respecting the fact that his venting for an hour to his counsellor is basically a session even if it was about how he is dissatisfied with how they are not helping the situation.

Long story short because of his anger with the whole situation he has gotten it to the point where they will no longer provide marriage counselling for us because he is not understanding the process. I am extremely dishearten and upset that he basically damaged the relationship with our counsellors by complaining and venting about them when it really had to do with the fact that he should come to me and discuss the issue.

We have spent the last 8 months doing marriage counselling and talking about all the resentment and issues that led us to counseling that happened over the span of 10 years. So when I found out they they will not do marriage counseling for us anymore I flipped and pleaded to my husband to fix it so we can continue and not throw away all the time, money and effort we have put in and the history we have shared with our counsellors over the last 8 months. But my husband refused and said he is not going back to them and that I am depending on them to fix our marriage carry on with our marriage and they are just in it to get our money because we are soo far deep into it now. He says that soo many ppl go on without marriage counselling and they are all fine. But we haven’t had a great marriage and used to fight a lot and never really communicated well together which led us to counselling. We separated for 5 months and when we got back together a few months later we started counselling.

For background we have a 2 year old and really have been trying to make our marriage work not just for our son but we do love each other and want to stay together.

However then tonight after all this happened about how we can’t do marriage counseling with them anymore and my husband and I got into a heated argument and I started crying. He packed a change of clothes for work and grabbed his work stuff and laptop and started leaving. I said to my husband “where are you going?” His response was “I can’t stay here anymore. I’m moving out”. I said to him “your leaving us?” And then he walked out the door and left.

I’m certain he went to his parents. And it’s not the first time he has left over night, but it has been a very very very long time since he ever threatened to move out. So now I’m at a loss, I don’t know what to do or what to think. I know he didn’t take anything other than a change of clothes so he will have to come back for his things if was being serious about moving out. Or he just said that out of anger and intends to come back once he cools down, plus my son is here with me at home and I’m certain my husband won’t want to be away from our son for long.

So I need opinions on the whole situation from an outside perspective and any advise. Please!

I’m just soo sad as I write this I don’t know if it completely makes sense reading but whatever two cents to help me would be soo great.

Update to answer some question: no the trust issues are not from infidelity, it really spans from the lack of transparency he has with me and doesn’t communicate with me about things unless it’s necessary. We do have our good days but have been going through a rough patch for the last year or so where we have just been fighting a lot and not seeing eye to eye. Yes he is very hot headed and in a sense it’s always his way or the high way.

Update 2: my husband came home the next day and I asked him what is he doing here. He said that him saying he is moving out was out of anger and he didn’t mean it. He says that’s how he felt at the moment. But still I told him he can’t say that, it’s very serious and I take it seriously. He can’t come and go as he pleases, if he needs space then say he needs space. He can’t just say something like that and not mean it. He says he would continue counselling if I arrange a session. But I’m like wtf, he created a shit show of a mess with our counsellor and I got to clean up his mess because I want us to continue counselling. I told him I don’t see our marriage working out if we don’t continue and essentially finish what we started. It’s been 8 months of counselling and we just touched on the issues and haven’t resolved our core differences. Sure somethings have gotten better with counselling end we have more good days than bad but still we have a lot of work to really address our core problems. I know we are going through a bad patch which seems to be always but I’m just soo tired of all the crap. So I’m still confused as to what to do next. I don’t want to let him walk all over me and think that it is okay.