Is this a normal girl thing?

Question

Do you believe WOC take a different path when it comes to self love? Or is this a normal girl thing? 
Have you ever been compared to a white ex or any white woman? Have you ever been told “ew I don’t date (insert skin color or ethnicity)?” Have you ever been dumped for a white girl? Have you ever thought about changing your features into more Eurocentric ones? If you use dating apps, how do your matches look? 
Did you start to experience this in middle school? High school? Do you still face this today? 
As I make more friends with woc on various platforms, I realize that we have that in common. I realize it’s not white women’s problem but sometimes it’s hard to not see it that way. I want to know if anyone else has experienced this and if it’s real or you think it’s not real. 
If anyone has studies on this topic I’d love to take a look. I could not find any. 
Bonus* why do you think women in this app ask if “it’s a normal guy thing?” to begin with? Are we pushing the boys will be boys narrative too hard to the point younger girls have no idea what’s normal and isn’t?

Answer

Yeah I’ve heard the “I don’t date black girls” thing from men, both black and white, which makes me laugh now cause I was never interested in them, they just mistook me being nice as being interested in them. I think I started wanting to be more white around middle school and I was always told by many friends and potential partners “you’re not like other black girls” or “you’re not ghetto”. I wanted the straight hair, the smaller nose, didn’t want the curves I naturally have. It wasn’t until I graduated and was more educated that I started to love my black side and would no longer tolerate those micro-aggressions from people I thought were friends. The European standard of beauty has been pushed for so long that I think it’s pretty common for black women or just any woman that isn’t white to at some point in time to have wanted to be white. Now I love myself and love my people, I’ll never want to have the mindset of wanting to be white again. Learning about the history of this country has also helped me be proud to be black, cause we went through hell back and still are, why wouldn’t I be proud of that and all the features I got from my ancestors?

Answer

Black woman here 👋🏾. I haven’t dealt with too much of the want or need to give into the Eurocentric standard of beauty except for the hair issue. Being a small child I would feel badly about my hair being coily & kinky and not straight & silky. I permed it for years to make myself feel more attractive until I learned to embrace that part of me.

Answer

As a mixed woman I’ve gotten both sides my skin is light like a white womans skin and I have the small nose but my hair and the body is more like the black side. Iv been told by guys they won’t date me cuz I’m to white or I look to black for them. Men are pigs and don’t know what they want and don’t know what they missed out on. You are beautiful no matter how you look and don’t let men dicktate how you should look

Answer

I can’t speak for WoC. What I have experienced occasionally as a white woman is men telling me they only date white girls like that’s a positive thing that will make me immediately drop my panties for them. It’s hella cringe. 🤮

Answer

I’ve only ever dated men that worship me. And for ALL women out there I’d say - Go where you are worshipped. Go where you are adored. Go where you are looked at like you’re the most beautiful creature on earth. 
Some men are very drawn to petite asian women. Some men are very drawn to bodacious black women. Some men are drawn to tan blondes, and some men are drawn to fair skinned fiery redheads. 
Instead of wasting time competing with other women or vilifying a man for having a preference (let’s get real, most of us have our  preferences too) I say - Go where you are treasured.

Answer

Jew chiming in here for a moment. I struggled so much on dating apps seeing statements of guys wanting only white or only black and Asian girls etc because it seems so gross to me. My dearly departed older sister had only dated black guys in her 20’s so then I became hesitant about ethnicities of my dates and I don’t want to seem explorative of black culture like the Kardashians. My family was excited when I mentioned I would slightly prioritize finding a jewish boy. However I met my first love soon after, a Pakistani Muslim with a British accent. Point is there is such a problem if fetishizing or putting down WOC natural features. I learned about Orientalism and Colorism in college early on. The most tragic example is Sarah Baartman- who actually inspired the Kim K break the internet photo. It was super insensitive and racist I’d say. I had conversations with my ex about orientalism because we were an interracial and interfaith pair. FYI Sarah Baartman was a black woman paraded around freak shows in Europe bc of her body around 1800. She died at 26. White dudes could pay to touch her wherever. I like to have deep discussions about race and delve into my unconscious biases. I never loved myself as much as since I met my ex. He liked me with no makeup and letting my hair be curly. He actually had super curly hair too, even more than mine. He is 3B or tighter coils and can do a solid man bun. I think it’s very difficult to grapple with beauty standards, plus being plus size for me. I’m glad someone posted this topic. It’s so complicated and individual

Answer

No I’ve never been compared to a white girl. I have heard many comments from white men (the ones who fetishize black women) especially if they say “I’ve never been with a black girl”
I’ve always been attacked by dark skin black girls in school. One time a girl was trying to fight me over a rumor that wasn’t true. Black men not wanting me because I wasn’t black enough for them or for anyone in the community.  
Self love taught me that I didn’t need anyone’s approval or need to fit in. I loved myself and I am happy to be with someone that isn’t trying to change me. I can be as opinionated as I want plus a partner that will vouch for me.

Answer

This made me so sad.  I’m white so can’t relate.  But I never realised this is something woc experience.

Answer

White girl here, I think that all women face this in one way or another. I have been dumped for WOC. I have also been told on multiple occasions that  "i only date WOC" or "I dont date white women". I dont believe that this is one sided..

Is this a normal girl thing?

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