I have seperated from my girlfriend of almost three years, we had a little beautiful boy together. She didn't think I was ready to be a dad, but being dad is all I ever wanted to be. I know I got frustrated at times and tired as new parents do but we went through it together. I thought we were tight. A bond in that birthing room, despite all the chaos that was the most beautiful time of time life. Seeing my son born into this world with a cord around is neck and his mother breaking my hand with her grip. I cried seeing him on her chest and told her you did it, I'm so proud of you. I can't believe we made this.

I think about that day.

And the day she left with full intention of not coming back.

Its been almost 6 months and for 3 months I didn't get to see my son.

Now I'm seeing him weekly with the help of her cousin.

I was able to see him more often but apparently I can't speak to her or il get cut off from her and my child.

I don't even know what I did but get confused the day she left me with my son in my arms, then decided to come back and yell at me for asking her to breast feed him. Telling me I'm emotionally blackmailling her for saying my son would like to see her.

After 6 hours with no breast milk and under a year old. (He hated bottles, I tried)

I'm trying to be patient and wait until court so I can have a scheduled access, but for now I'm sick of being treated like I'm going to do to her what she is doing to me.

I loved her, I still do and everyday it eats me. Because for a minute I didn't know what was going on or how to react or even if she wanted to be a parent anymore. Nothing made sense. If I was blame for all this, I have said my sorries but the situation goes on, like I cant be trusted. When I did everything for that women that I possibly could, I would do anything to show her I'm not whatever she thinks I am. All always love you, As much as I ever could.