I was with I guess my now ex for 9 months and it was fantastic. We met each other’s families, we talked about the future both immediate and distant, and you could clearly see there was something amazing happening between us. Everyone said it. The only thing we hadn’t done was say I love you. I felt it for sure. I knew he was the one for me so one day I just said it. He was a little surprised and said “I’m sorry but I can’t say it back right now” so I said “it’s ok I’ll wait for you” and he kissed me. That was one week ago.

Over the course of the week following that moment everything was pretty much fine. We hung out as normal. We had dinner with his parents and did all of our usual things. He was being extremely sweet and caring. I thought saying I love you to him even if he couldn’t say it back yet made him open up a little more with me. I distinctly remember him saying to me while cuddling that I could stay in his arms as long as I liked. It was incredibly sweet and I felt so loved even if he hadn’t said it.

Come our next date night a few days later we do our usual dinner but he is acting very distant and for the whole night he says it’s just work stressing him out. We sit down and eat and he has a beer and I could see him loosen up. He starts smiling again, we reminisce about our first date, we talk about planning a vacation once the pandemic is over, and even about how we would like to do family vacations one day if we ever have kids. Aside from him being a little off and distracted, everything was going the same as usual.

It wasn’t until the drive home that he suddenly drops a bomb on me saying that he’s really been thinking and that he doesn’t think he could ever love me and he doesn’t want me to wait for him and how it’s not fair to me. He claims he still cares deeply for me and wants to be friends. I was crying, he cried, he tried to comfort me and held me a little. I made him drop me off at my best friend’s house. He said he wanted to talk to me tomorrow.

Over the course of the night, I ended up texting him. I was sad but I was also very angry that 9 months in he wasted my time and lead me on. My friend’s were all furious. They truly believed he would be the one guy to never hurt me. I asked him why he’d even want to talk tomorrow when he said everything that needed to be said already and he agreed. I tried asking why he was doing this? The only answer I could get was that he felt like he couldn’t do enough for me and that he felt he could never return the energy I was giving him. He felt like we weren’t on the same page anymore. I told him that’s not true and that everything up until now had been exactly what I wanted from someone. We just ended up going in circles until I decided to just leave him on read.

The next morning, he messages my friend and asks if I made it home ok and she of course responds defensively but telling him the truth that I’m a mess because of him and he responds with the usual I don’t think I can ever love her! I can’t change my feelings. She eventually leaves him on read too. He then proceeds to text me once again asking to speak to me later today. I ask him what for? Haven’t we said everything that needs to be said? He says yes you’re right I’m sorry. I called him out and told him I don’t want to draw this out any longer and I want to be left alone in peace to sort this out myself. All he said was “okay.” I was very proud of myself for that. It was nice to feel in control.

So far he’s left me alone aside from looking at my Instagram stories but it doesn’t hurt any less. I really thought he was the one. I just feel so blindsided by all of this like where did it even come from? Everything was fine up until that final day. I’ve just been trying to make sense of it all. Anyone have some insight or advice? I’ve been talking to my friends about it but it would just be nice to have some unbiased insight as well.

Sorry it’s such a long story. I’m just feeling a lot right now.

Update: Went to my best friend and together we blocked him and unfriended him on everything today. Felt very good honestly.

Frustrating

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