This is a long, complicated situation, so if you read all of this, thank you! So, the moral of the story is that we can’t seem to get back to court to modify the parenting plan that was originally put in place.

My partner and his ex-wife have had a really difficult time trying to co-parent. Unfortunately, because he wasn’t an expert on parenting plans when they went to court, he didn’t fight a lot of what is in the current plan. I am still blown away that his lawyer didn’t point out how lopsided it was in favor of his ex-wife, but I’ve had to chalk that up to my partner not saying anything about any of it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Now that some time has passed and my stepdaughter is older, my partner and I have realized how lopsided the parenting plan is. It took them forever to agree on a parenting plan to begin with, and now that my partner wants to make some changes, his ex-wife is basically saying she’s not going to cooperate.

They were able to meet in March of this year (yes, EIGHT MONTHS AGO) and had a very civil conversation about the changes he was wanting to make. He recorded their conversation just in case, because she has a pattern of being very unstable, lying, and trying to manipulate and gaslight him. She verbally agreed to every change, except that he wanted a week on/week off residential schedule. He was willing to compromise on that by adding one additional overnight at our house which would make the time an even split of 50/50. We already have my stepdaughter every Wednesday-Friday and every other Saturday. So if we could keep her on Sunday the weekends we have her, it would be a 2-2-5-5 schedule, which is not ideal, but it allows us to have her 50/50. At the time, she said she’d like some time to think about it, and see if she could come up with a different schedule that she liked more (fine, whatever).

I know this is long- hang in there! So the changes that she did agree to were to have pick up and drop off locations altered to be whomever was picking the child up would go to the relinquishing parents home. Right now is says we always have to pick her up and drop her off at her mom’s which is about a 45 minute drive each way for us. Added two weeks of vacation, because vacation is not currently built in to the order and we’ve tried to work that out with her in the past and she’s unwilling to “give up any of my time for my daughter to go somewhere with a woman who isn’t her mother” 🙄. Altered the holiday schedule a bit so that they alternated the major holidays. Her mom wanted to be petty when the agreement went in to place and had her lawyer give her every major holiday that year, now that it’s our turn to have those holidays, she’s continuously asking for us to change the holiday schedule. And we added my stepdaughter’s birthday because that was a shit-show and a half this year. There were a few other minor changes, with the biggest one being the residential schedule.

So, over the months, he had reminded her about her agreements, asked to go to mediation, and tried to keep things out of the courts as much as possible. She almost immediately said she didn’t agree to anything (despite the recording) and that she was not ever going to agree to mediation or changing the parenting plan. Keep in mind, my stepdaughter was 3 when that plan went into place. It’s going to have to be altered now that she’s in school. Her main concern is child support, she doesn’t want to give any more time up because it could impact how much she gets in child support. My partner told her he would still pay the same amount, he just wants to have his daughter more.

We contacted numerous lawyers in the area, and all of them said they wouldn’t take the case because they don’t want to deal with a woman who is not being cooperative and is going to take the case to trial. So we feel like we are just dead in the water with this, and she continues to try to change things to benefit her, making my partner sound like the bad guy when he holds to the current plan that she refuses to change.

Side note- we really feel that her mother is loving, but she struggles to take care of my stepdaughter like she needs to. She’s moved 3 times in the last 8 months, had two different live-in boyfriends, each with kids, who we knew nothing about until we went to pick my stepdaughter up and suddenly there was a different guy there. She doesn’t take care of her medical needs, and won’t give us copies of her insurance card, birth certificate, or social security card so that we can. She doesn’t bathe her regularly, and she often keeps her home from school for being “sick” but when we get her at our house, she seems fine.

I’m just frustrated that we seem to live in an area where judges are partial to mothers and lawyers don’t want to help out a dad who just wants to see his daughter more and who honestly provides a more stable home. We are going to have our baby together in February, and I hate to think how all of this is going to impact his relationship with his sister.

Any tips? Advice? Everyone makes it seem like going to court is so easy, but we have the money and desire to make it happen and can’t seem to do so 😔 and ultimately wish we didn’t have to.