I’m a FTM with a 5 week old.

I’m extremely lucky.

I had a great pregnancy, smooth birth and she’s generally a good baby. I live with my fiancé who’s a SAHD for the foreseeable future, and her granddad who works part time from home. If I need help or a break, all I have to do is ask.

But I can’t.

Every time she cries it fills me with dread. I can’t calm her all the time. She screams so loud with me. It overwhelms me fast and I start sobbing to the point where I just spiral.

But I can’t bring myself to ask for help, and when the boys do, I feel like an utter failure.

Because I keep thinking of all those mums who don’t have the same support as me and seem to manage just fine. I just feel like I’m not a good mum because I have to ask for help so often.

Yet if any other mum asked for help, I wouldn’t judge them the same as I judge myself.