I can’t take the test

I’m supposed to have tested for pregnancy today but I can’t bring myself to do it. This is My 2nd IVF turned into natural iui bc I had only 1 follicle growing out of 4. My first IVF was canceled bc there were 3 out of 4 but I needed to do PGS test and it was such a small chance to spend all our savings on (insurance doesn’t cover). I had 3 MCs all blamed on my age and abnormalities. I’m 43 and my dr won’t continue IVF with me anymore since I’ve had such low turn outs. I’m afraid of a negative result. I’m afraid of the end of my chances to be a mother. I’m so nervous to even go pee.

On the bright side I haven’t seen any red AF. I’m hungry at night and I’m sleepy daytime. But just noticed my breast hasn’t hurt recently..

I’m just ranting at this point. If my husband was up he’d pushed me to take the test but he’s asleep since he’s been working 2 nights and for over 12 hrs each.