I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I broke up with my boyfriend a month ago and I was fine for a while and this week I’ve just been so depressed. I think I might’ve figured out why but I don’t know how to fix it and I hate feeling this way. I didn’t see a future with him. I hated his family and I couldn’t stand the thought of them being in my life forever. Plus I’m young and I liked the thought of having options. It’s been hard because he was my first love and the guy I lost everything to. I lost all my friends back in the summer so I have no one. I’ve been really lonely and bored because there’s nothing to do. I’ve just been so down because I do the same thing every day of my life. I haven’t been happy at all this week and since my ex used to make me so happy it’s like my brain associates him with happiness. I keep thinking of how happy I was this past summer but I know that I wasn’t happy towards the end of our relationship. It’s like I miss the memories but not him and the thought of him making another girl as happy as he did me for a certain period of time kills me. He has a hard life and I felt so bad when I broke up with him. I have no interest in dating any other guy. Not because of him but because the thought of committing to someone for the rest of my life just doesn’t appeal to me. I’m afraid I’ll wake up one day and fall out of love with someone I marry kind of like what happened with me and my ex boyfriend. I no longer have a serious plan for my future which sucks because I’ve always had a plan. I used to want to be married by a certain age and have kids by a certain age etc. and now I just don’t know so I’ve been stressing out about it. I wish I had friends but due to the pandemic it’s hard to make new ones plus I’m super antisocial and meeting new people makes me really anxious. I don’t want to be sad anymore and I don’t want to think about my ex anymore because I know I did the right thing but it’s like my brain keeps telling me that if I got back with him or something I’d be happy again which I know is not true. Ugh I just want to be happy. I have nothing to look forward to and no hobbies. I have no idea what’s next in my life and it’s driving me crazy. I don’t want these negative thoughts to become a habit but I just don’t know what to do. Ugh