dear morgan.

how are you? i really do hope you're doing ok but also kinna not ;)

i'd like to apologise for the way i left. you were right, i reacted in a way that wasn't fair but honestly i think it was best for me. im not happy now, and i find myself hovering over the "unblock button" every now and then but that wouldn't be fair to you. and honestly, im afraid of what you'll say. or that you'll forgive me. i don't want or deserve your forgiveness. i realise now how toxic i was in that time. we weren't even together but i still acted as though you were still mine. i'm sorry and i hope you know ive grown

but what im not sorry for is being mad at you. because im still incredibly mad. my most recent reason isn't really justified, you're happy and that's all i hate about it. the empty pinky swears though, they suck. im mad that after all that time you spent promising me you'd never leave or never want to leave - you left. just as i was starting to believe you. but that's not your fault. it never could've worked, i just got too attached to you. im fucking raging about the ghosting though. bro i was fucking assaulted? and you left me open? mega mega fucking fuming lmao. idk, i do understand that though. what are you meant to say? but still, shitty thing to do man

i do wish i could be your friend but i don't think im a good enough person for that yet. i don't want to make you sad anymore. maybe i made you sad by leaving but jesus i hope you're doing so well. that you feel almost elated. i was kind of a burden, wasn't i? it's ok to say i was by the way - this isn't a guilt trip. i can look back and say that i was unfair to you

this is (hopefully) the last time ill say this but i love you, morg. i still do which sucks because i know you've moved on - and that's fine. but my love is always going to be here. maybe we will get together again. maybe we'll get that van. adopt huw. travel. ive got your name in my time capsule so you can't really escape me lmao. i hope you still want that but i understand if you can't. it wouldnt be fair to sasha and if there's one person's happiness i don't want to ruin its hers. she sees what i see/saw and that's what i want for her. try not to fucking gaslight her though, you kinda had a problem with that. hope that's improved :)

but yeah i do also hope you think of me when yall are doing the do which is fucked up but honestly it fuels my god complex lmaooo

if i don't say anything for your birthday - happy 20th!! you know where cassiopeia is, give her a kiss every once and a while; you know i can feel it when you do

anyway morg, that's all. well it's not all but i think that's enough. i love you so much, fandango. please take care of yourself and remember me somewhere

- cassiopeia