i don’t even know what to say. i’m losing myself?? yeah that sounds about right. i’m sick of smiling and never meaning it. i’m sick of harming myself because that’s the only way i put myself back into reality. i’m tired of saying that i’m actually ok when i’m internally screaming. i’m tired of waking up everyday. i’m tired of repeating the same fucking schedule. i hate looking in the mirror. i feel disgusting. i feel so nasty. i just wish it were all different. i wish i could be normal. i wish i didn’t have to lie to the people i love about my mental state. i need help. but nobody is willing to listen. i say this out of jokes but i’m not kidding right now ..... i fucking hate it here dude.