I just need a place to get out these feelings. I'm 33 years old, and I have no children. I had a miscarriage 8 years ago with my twins at 22 weeks. I've always wanted to have children and to be a mother.

I've been struggling with pregnancy envy with everyone in my circles for the past three months after being cleared to start trying for a baby from my gastric surgeon, PCP, and OBGYN NP/Midwife; but my partner of 6 years and I found out that his back injury from his military service is the cause to us have 0% of having children which is heartbroken to us both. We found out when he went for an appointment after some issues in the bedroom following increase back issues creating significant challenges in that department.

I get upset after hearing several friends and family members announcing their pregnancy. I've broken down in tears at work in the hospital as they play a very soft baby lullaby over the intercom to announced another baby's birth.

I've even started having negative self-talk and questioning am I enough in this relationship. I know these are valid feelings and emotions, but I'm struggling with this all. I know some may view this as a pitty party, which it can be if I live in it too long. I just wanted to come to where others could understand this in a healthy and supportive place.

I know some might suggest sperm donation, surrogacy or adoption which works for some people. I feel that I would have even more pregnancy envy if someone else was to carry and my partner is already hurting about not being able to have children the old fashion way. We have not talked about adoption since we are still grieving the news.

Thank you to this Glow community who supports and helps those in this online forum!

*update information, he has had a broken back in 3 seperate locations which affects the nerves to not allow ejaculation even during self pleasuring times. This has become more of an issue with a recent increase of back pain placing more pressure on the spinal cord and nerves that controls this functioning. This is what news we got from the back specialist who sees this as a common result.