No Sex Drive
The last few weeks I haven't had any sex drive whatsoever. No, I didn't have a baby recently, no infidelity in my marriage, I still find my husband attractive etc. I don't want my husband to feel as though it's him so I try to please him but I don't enjoy any of it. I don't want him kissing me or touching me. I mean nothing even gets a spark from me. No oral, no massages, no toys.. nothing, it's like I'm dead down there 😒
I have been dealing with some stomach issues which stresses me out. I've been in and out the doctor's office, had an upper endoscopy done last week (no results yet). Along with all that, this year has just been horrible for me, but that's the case for many of us so I don't complain. I lost my grandmother to stomach cancer in March, lost my job in June, started school 2 weeks ago and I'm hands on with my 4 kids doing online learning. I'm stressed most days but I'm trying to not carry it with me constantly for obvious reasons, stress kills.
Sex used to be what helped me feel better, what released the stress and kept me going another day, gave me some pep in my step. Now, it's like an annoying chore I keep putting off because it hurts more than it pleasures. I find myself praying for it to be over as soon as it starts.
Since it's been going on for some time now, I've graduated from silent protests to getting my husband to stop what he's doing to pushing him off and now I'm telling him to "please, just get off me". I genuinely feel terrible when I do that because I know he's only trying to make me feel better and to get off, as he should smh.
I've tried the naughty lingerie, we've locked doors and turned on romantic music. We've watched porn together, even gotten drunk and I couldn't do it. My body responds as far as getting wet but mentally and emotionally, I'm not excited (if that makes sense). He'd say "well, you're wet " but then I'd say "I know, it's just the way a vagina works once touched, I'm still not into it so get off". Yea, I know I'm a shitty person 😒. I'm only 36 but can my age be a factor? We have 5 children, can that be a cause? Idk, I'm just grasping at straws here because I don't wanna lose my bond with my husband. I don't think he'd go cheating, just that we're drifting apart because there's no intimacy. Please, if anyone has any suggestions, please share them, Thanks!