This time last year I was praying in the spirit multiple times a day. Praising the Lord everyday. Walking in the fruit of the spirit. Having vivid spiritual dreams every single night. I started backsliding some when I met my soon to be husband. I was alone for so long & I let boundaries be passed & moved to fast. Now I’m 27 weeks pregnant. I’m finally super excited, but for the longest time I beat myself up everyday for being “bad” for allowing myself to continually fall into temptation.

I’ve had a few good days over the past 4 months that I would feel like I was getting close to The Lord again. Then the condemnation would come & still does & I’ll think “I can’t pray these big prayers i can’t pray in the spirit because I keep sinning”. I still dream every night but they are weak fleshly dreams.

By sinning I mean I started cussing again which the lord put on my heart to stop 2 years ago. I’m easily angered. I keep having sex with my soon to be husband because one day I think it’s okay since we will be married in January & I’m already pregnant anyways. Then I’ll snap out of that thinking & tell him we can’t have sex but then we end up doing it anyways. That’s been a cycle over & over.

I started struggling with feeling depressed again because of how much I’ve fallen & keep missing the mark. I had days where I went into war & made my mind up to turn away from my struggles. But they keep over powering me.

IM SO WEAK. I just want to be close to the Lord again. I just want to do what’s right.

Advise? Prayers? THANKYOU