How do I glow up?

la

lauren

Hey there,

Ive been out of a poor relationship for roughly a year now. My relationship with my ex was four years long, we had the intention of getting married since high school.

My ex was emotionally neglectful to say the absolute least. He constantly gaslighted me, even during my worst days. When I informed him of my self-harm dilemmas, he shrugged it off. While I was bruising the insides of my arms, he was focusing on making an unsuccessful YouTube channel about gaming. When my family member passed away, he left me crying on his couch for his father to comfort me. When I began to embrace myself, he expressed that it made him uncomfortable. He forgot my birthday, he blamed that on me, too. When I had panic attacks, he was two minutes from my house playing xbox with his friends knowing exactly what was going on. He wouldn’t hold my hand in public. He would intentionally neglect me for days when I called him out. He made me bleed during sexual encounters more than often on a seemingly intentional basis. He bought me a promise ring, I wore it. I bought him a promise ring, it never left the box. Self defense was not a prospect for me.

He now informs others that I was to blame, and that I cheated on him.

It was his idea to break up. He said we were “hurting each-other.”, in reference to the times I expressed myself.

I’m currently in a new relationship but I cannot seem to get past my last relationship. I’m constantly on edge, attempting to defend myself against nothing. I am apologizing to my significant other for no apparent reason with the anticipation of being gaslighted and intentionally manipulated or neglected. I am constantly checking myself because I don’t want my significant other to feel like I did for so long.

I’m damaged and exhausted.

How do I move on and glow tf up?

Thank you,

L

119 views • 1 upvote • 5 comments

COMMENT (5)

Je

Posted at

Ta

Posted at
Go to therapy. You need to heal and there are people who can help you. Good luck 🍀

Me

Posted at
Hugs to you. It is not your fault. You glow up by pouring the love you have into yourself, get therapy to heal from this relationship, learn about healthy relationships and communication, couple's counseling if you and your new man are headed in a serious direction & work on your boundaries. Read Boundaries In Dating by Henry Cloud.

sa

Posted at
Hi hun, I’ve been through something similar and I haven’t been in a relationship since because I am also very defensive and I now find it hard to open up and let my barriers down, the best thing I done was focus on myself but that doesn’t mean you can’t do that whilst in your new relationship too, just make sure you take time for yourself it’s so important to have you time, even if you just run yourself a bubble bath and Chuck a face mask on and chill for a few hours. I would also recommend counselling if your based in the uk theirs a few charity’s that are really good, I personally recommend mind charity and italk, theirs also a lot of really good self help speakers on YouTube if you find the right one they can really help. I find myself on the defence a lot and then apologising for it, you just need to try and take a couple of seconds before jumping on the defense to think about wether what they are saying or doing is actually a personal attack on you or not... People say you can’t love anyone else if you cant love yourself but I disagree, loving yourself dosent always come naturally and that okay, especially with the pressure and stigma from peers and social media, I believe that you meet people in life to learn different lessons, when you get in a relationship with someone I believe your meant to help eachother you grow together and you show the other person all the amazing things about them you love visa versa, helping eachother to learn to love yourself for the things other people love you for... sometimes you can’t see yourself worth on your own. Your always more then welcome to message me on here for a chat, big hugs x

Ca

Posted at
Time, baby. Time. There’s a very decent chance you’re experiencing ptsd symptoms from years of that relationship. I’d seriously consider finding a therapist ❤️ you need validation, healing, understanding, and so much time. It took me close to 5 years to stop having nightmares about my ex. 2.5 years after him, I entered my first (and only) relationship since him and the person I was in this new relationship, was like night and day. I’m married to him now. The trauma, the anxieties, the fears eventually ease up but it doesn’t just happen. Therapy and time were my best friends.