I am weird with the people I care about.

If I piss someone off or I think I pissed someone off I will apologize nonstop for 2 hrs then panic about it for 48. I dont take it easy on myself ever. If I mess up or think I mess up I try to make it right. If i hurt someone or think i hurt someone i panic for hrs. It if I really think I what I did is unforgivable I will stress over it non stop until I feel like I have made it right. I beat myself up on the inside because deep down I know I am stupied and I do and say stupied things sometimes without thinking. I may seem all good on the outside but in reality I am not ok. I hate myself and think i am a horrible person. Sometimes I make jokes about uncomfortable topics like politics and adoration. (Not against it)(you do you) I make fun of my depression. I make fun of the fact my dad died and I can't apologize for being a shit head teenager. I make fun of the fact I was raped because I should have screamed. I should have faught.