Yes I am aware I am a teenager, yes I know you have all been there too but just because you were a teenager once doesn't mean you know everything that's going on in my head. Most of you grew up with both of your parents, most of you weren't physically and emotionally abused by your father who ended up leaving. I know this because I know you. I know you think you know everything and you do know a lot but you also don't know what happens behind closed doors to make me the way I am. You don't know about the times when we didn't have enough food and I went without eating so that my sister could. You just see that I'm bigger and assume I eat all the time, no my body just holds weight because of not knowing when I'm gonna eat again. You don't know how I have to walk on eggshells around my mom because she's constantly on the verge of yelling. You just know that I get scared easy and try to control my surroundings to make you happy. You don't know about all the times I've cried in the mirror cause I hate the way my body looks. You just tell me what I already know. I'm aware I'm bigger I'm aware my hair looks rediculous I'm aware I will probably never get a boyfriend because of it.

You don't know about the three times last year I was sexually assulted in school and got told it was because I don't respect myself, you just know I'm overdramatic when I get scared around a man who's a little too close. You laugh when I tell you I'm uncomfortable. You tell me to suck it up and there's nothing to worry about. I know you all know how my little sister hits me all the time, but you all choose to ignore it because she's younger than me and you tell me to fight back but I can't because if I do you yell at me. I know I'm a dissapointment, you don't have to tell me. You don't know how hard I have to work to get good grades, you just tell me "you'll figure it out" when I ask for help. you don't know how when you tell me I'm too big or I'm just a teenager and my problems don't matter you don't understand how it makes me feel guilty everytime I even feel upset. I feel like I don't even deserve to be upset you make me feel like my feelings don't matter. You make me want to hurt myself you make me hurt myself. You make me want to end it all, but then I don't. I don't end it all and it makes me feel worse. I can't bring myself to end it all but it's because I'm too big of a pussy to go through with it. It hurts me. It's okay though because you know everything going on in my head cause you were a teenager too. None of this is making sense but it's okay cause I know none of you will ever read it .