My dad is on hitting rock bottom and I feel so helpless.

He’s always had a battle with alcohol but it’s usually once in a blue moon he’ll go through a short binge period. Very functional, works high level jobs. Not somebody you’d expect to be an alcoholic.

The pandemic hit and now he went from having a high level job- to no job. It’s now been idk 9 months? Anyways, he’s been struggling to get a job entirely for 9 months now. No lower level jobs with hire him because he’s overqualified (this is what he’s told me and I believe it honestly). Then, his girlfriend of 2 years dumps him. Hard. Unrelated to the job situation.

So one night I came home and saw that he was in his car in the driveway with the driver door open. I walk up and see that he’s completely unconscious and unresponsive- it took me screaming, shaking and finally slapping him for him to come to. It was terrifying. Next to him was an empty handle of vodka.

That had been the first episode in about a year. Little by little it got progressively worse. I had to confiscate his car keys so he couldn’t drive drunk (that’s his M.O). He’ll drive to the liquor store, drink at least a handle, and then continue to drive around for god knows how long to god knows where. He’ll usually turn off his phone or reject my calls. By the time he gets home he’s stumbling through the house with a missing shoe speaking gibberish.

I am so terrified that he will kill someone, or himself. I know this is a real possibility. I am somebody who doesn’t fear confrontation and can be pretty eloquent with words- I’ve spent hours upon hours telling him how this makes his loved ones feel and using every psychology trick in the book to help him be self aware about his relationship with alcohol. When that doesn’t work I’ve taken away car keys (which doesn’t last because at the end of the day he’s my dad and an adult who requires transportation, plus he has threatened to cut me off financially as well).

Finally my family and I got him to go to AA and therapy. He only went twice to each. He won’t tell me who his therapist is either so I was never able to see if he’d actually go.

Now it’s gotten to the point where he’s blackout drunk every night. He’s not paying bills, he’s not taking care of his cat (I’ve now taken the role of cat owner), and he’s so beyond depressed it breaks my heart.

He won’t stop doing it while driving though.

I am unable to monitor him 24/7 that’s just unrealistic, and at the same time as the child it should not be my job. But I see a stranger now, not my father. I don’t recognize him anymore and he won’t seek help.

He’s brought up to me that if anything were to happen to him I’d have a good life insurance policy from him. Ever since he said that it got me thinking that he wants something bad to happen so he can escape his world. Alcoholism runs in the family, and we’ve had people die because of this disease. Thankfully myself and my siblings didn’t get it, but I fear ever having children.

I can’t even put into words how anxious I get when I’m not around him now, it’s put strain on my relationship with my boyfriend as well because I’m constantly worrying about where my dad is and what he’s doing. I’m so angry that he’s putting me in this situation. I’m angry at the world for him having this disease in the first place. I feel emotions that I don’t have names for. I am so scared.

Was wondering if any of you could relate to this, and if anything has worked for you. I’m all ears. If you’ve gotten this far on my post, thank you for sticking around.

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