I’m pretty traumatized from my first experience. I had a very complicated pregnancy, birth and postpartum. I really lost myself for nearly 2 years. I was in a very dark place and honestly don’t ever want to be there again.

My husband really wants to start trying for our second but I am terrified it will be the same way this time. I’m terrified of the person I will become and this time I have my 2.5 year old daughter that I would feel so ashamed and horrible if I became that person again. I am terrified of losing everything I have built in my new business because it really takes all of me to focus on being a new mother. I’m just traumatized and scared and I don’t know how to get past it to feel ready to try for another child.

I’m 33 and my husband is 38, so it’s not like we have forever to decide and try. We don’t want to be old parents.

Has anyone ever felt this way? How did you get past it? I really want to heal this trauma so I can try for one more.