What’s a good time to start a sticker chart for positive reinforcement?

Question

Man my 18 month old is little miss independent! She throws tantrums if she doesn’t get what she wants and is just a whiny butt sometimes. I believe she’s going through her 18 month regression, but I want to start enforcing a sticker chart for positive reinforcement. When would be a good time to start that? And what sort of tasks/rewards would you recommend for a toddler? I understand it may be a bit early, but I would like to get it started!

Answer

Studies have shown that doing these kind of charts teaches kids just to do something for the reward and not for the sake of doing the right thing and actually can have adverse effects. I highly recommend reading Alfie Kohn’s book Unconditional Parenting

Answer

We didn’t use any kind of rewards for my son.  We taught him please and thank you very earlier.  He used it correctly.  When he wants something, we wait until he says please, we started by asking what do you say when someone does something for you...”thank you mama”.  Now he is 26 months and does this on his own.  Of course we have dealt with tantrums but they are short lived when he realizes he isn’t getting attention or what he wanted.  So, we haven’t needed to implement any kind of punishment.  For the most part, he is able to be distracted or we can avoid a potential trigger before the tantrum happens. For tasks, at the age of your daughter, my son was “helping” with laundry, dishes, cleaning, picking up toys, etc.  His reward for doing these things is me telling him thank you and good job.  Little kids want to please us so if you start giving her “responsibilities”, she will likely be into it.  Of course, them “helping” sometimes means more work for us but it builds their self esteem, confidence and willingness to put in effort.  I don’t think I would want to implement a reward system for my son.  He would only just learn to do the task because of the reward and in that learn how to manipulate.  That doesn’t apply to the real world and eventually it will get out of control.  For us, we want a solid foundation built before any rewards would be considered.

Answer

I was a special Ed teacher for years and had to do sticker charts with my students to get them to complete work at the beginning. We eventually got to a point where we didn’t need them and they did their work because they wanted to feel successful. I’m pretty opposed to them as a parent. We might use them when needed (potty training, encouraging or eliminating a particular behavior) but I really don’t want to encourage the idea that he only does things for a reward. Same applies to school. You get good grades because that’s your job, not because you’re going to get money or a prize. I would just advise caution in starting something like that so young.

Answer

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Answer

As long as you think she’s old enough to understand the concept of getting a reward for doing something good, then go for it!
I’d start with things like: helping pick up toys, asking for things politely (if she knows how), sharing with other kids, eating all her food (that’s a big thing for my kids, they never finish their dinner). Whatever you think in particular is good for her to be learning!

What’s a good time to start a sticker chart for positive reinforcement?

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