It’s not great, but I’m trying to vent my feelings, I guess. It’s just weighing heavy on me tonight.

I used to daydream,

About what it would be,

To meet a man like you,

And have you fall in love with me.

After we met,

And after you got on your knee,

I prayed to god we’d grow old together,

And have a family.

I pictured us in rocking chairs,

While our grandkids played on the lawn,

Everything with you was so right,

Why’d it have to all go so wrong?

After years of trying,

It got to our heads.

Anger and violence,

Unfortunately is where it had led.

Words can’t be taken back,

After they’re said,

Sometimes they are sharp enough,

To break the final thread.

And even after many years,

I still loved you.

I still cried, missing our talks,

Laughs, and little disagreements too.

I settled and met a misleading man,

Was expecting a bundle of blue,

But the man was not well in the head,

Him and I were through.

You and I crossed paths again,

And we decided to give it another run,

You were not only there for me,

You were there for our son.

We took a trip down south,

And we had a lot of fun,

My favorite part was seeing you,

Your smile shining in the sun.

I remember the day you called me the day your father passed,

When I saw you I held you near,

I wish I could have wiped away your pain,

But I could only wipe away your tears.

Our son was born and we introduced him,

To our dog I’ve had for 14 years.

She wasn’t at the door, but in bed limping,

Then the vet confirmed one of my biggest fears.

You held me close,

And held me tight,

We both cried,

And we cried all night.

You and our son,

Gave me strength to not give up the fight,

You said you will always be here for me,

And everything would be all right.

It was Christmas time,

And it was almost the best,

But then you started coughing,

And started having pains in your chest.

You said you’d be fine,

That you just needed some rest,

But even after a nap,

You didn’t sound your best.

You sent me a message,

Saying you fell to your knees,

I was exhausted,

And I fell asleep.

When I woke up,

It was earlier than usual,

Felt something in my chest like when my dog

passed away,

but assumed I was delusional.

I sent you “Good morning handsome.”

Like I always do,

And asked if you were feeling better,

And told you “I love you too.”

Then you called my phone,

But it wasn’t you calling,

Your brother broke the news,

Then I began bawling.

You weren’t there to hold me,

When I needed you so much,

It’s been a few years,

I still miss your voice and your touch.

I blame myself and wonder,

If there was something I could have done,

I feel like I failed you,

And I feel like I failed our son.

Now I only daydream,

About what it would be,

To have a man like you,

Again fall in love with me.

Because there is no other you,

Maybe I’m meant to be alone,

Maybe for the rest of my life,

Until God calls me home.

At least I can say I’ve loved,

But not without a cost,

And even though you’re not here,

My love for you will never be lost.

I hope I make it to the gates,

When my time here runs out,

And maybe then we’ll know,

What the heartache was all about.

We can sit in rocking chairs,

In our golden front lawn,

Where everything feels right,

And nothing feels wrong.

You lit a spark in my soul,

It’s crazy, but it’s true,

But not even death,

Could keep me from loving you.