I’m just here to vent and get my emotions out, I have no one and no where to say these things

My dad died in 2013 to cancer, I was 11

6 months later my mum finds a new partner and moves us all to a new place, new school everything, no family no friends just us. She had her reasons at the time and I’ve grown to understand these but I was angry for a long time and I felt as tho I didn’t have the time or safe place I needed to grieve.

The reason for this was because her new partner was an alcoholic, not all the time but once he had a drink he was unable to do Anything else but drink and pass out for a few weeks, as an 11 year old kid, missing my dad and not understanding why a man like this was replacing my dad, I struggled.

I ended up leaving home and moving back to my old town with my dads side of the family, where I was able to grow and grieve, I had struggles, never felt like I belonged and never felt wanted.

7 years later, I’ve been living back with my mum, siblings and her partner for around 3 years, stepdad is still an alcoholic and seems to always take it out on me when he’s had a drink. I’m always being called fat, lazy, toxic, a using bitch, the other day he called me a bad mom while drinking in front of his son (I’m not a parent but I look after his 4 yr old son a lot for my mum so she can work to support us financially, I usually watch him from like 7am till 7pm, cook the dinner and stuff like that daily, while doing a level 3 course at college and having hundreds of assignments to complete)

I always stay upstairs away from him, feel like a prisoner sometimes cause I wait till he passes out till I can go down and cook dinner for my siblings or anything like that,

I’ve found myself crying a lot Lately, really missing my dad, wishing he was here to love me and protect me like he always did, wondering why after such a hard loss we was placed into this situation with an adult who’s childish and selfish.

Sorry for the long post, just an outlet to let myself cry again and get this crap off my chest, tomorrow is a new day