My husband and i had a baby with a borth defect, its nothing life threatening just looks different than most people and can not be corrected with surgery.

I realu want another baby, my husband does too, but im scared our next baby will have this birth defect too, its 50/50 chance bc my husband has the same birth defect, and is a carrier. He says its not that big a deal, but it really makes me self conscious of ny baby and i dont want him tob made fun of etc, im always worried what people think of my baby and i just dont want to go through this with my next baby..

I was thinking about a sperm donor, i have no idea how my husband would feel about this. Im not sure how to bring it up that wont make him feel self conscious or like he did something wrong or make him feel like i dont love our child, bc i do , they both are my world and i wouldnt trade them for nothing! How can i talk to hin about this?

We have considered

IVF

bit this defect can not be seen before birth..

UPDATE:

Iv seen a ton of negative comments and I just wanted to say the defect is polysyndactyly, my son has 6 fingers and 6 toes on each foot webbed together. There are so many different variations and outcomes of this defect its not simple. My next child could have it less sever or even more severe than my son has it. My sons is worse than my husbands. My son cant bend his finger on either hand, Sometimes surgery can fix it but with my son surgery can not. The dr. says its best for his fuction to keep the 6 fingers. It definitely looks different and i have noticed people just stare at it when they see him or meet him. I can only imagine what itll be like as he gets older and starts school with all the bullies. My husband was bullied and his is not as bad.He had surgery and his was fixed, mostly just some crooked bones and some scaring, like i said my son can not have the surgery to fix his bc he would lose function. Its scary that i could have a 50% chance to being another baby with this defect into this world to face all of this. I never said i didnt love my husband or my child, Im not embarraced of them, i just dont like how people are, i dont want anyone to think anything less than perfect of my baby. I do think my feelings matter and i will admit I know theres a lot worse things that could happen and im lucky to be able to have children without anything life threating and im jealous of people who dont have to worry about birth defects and other things when theyre having children.

Red wine!???