When is it more than a tantrum?

Question

Good morning! My son is 22 months old and lately has been throwing tantrums worse than ever. They’re usually centered around when we’re trying to get him to do something he doesn’t want to do...i.e. put the pacifier away, try his dinner, put on his coat, etc. my husband and I are trying very hard to unbreak the habit we unintentionally formed of giving in and getting him why he wants when he’s having a tantrum. This is our first child and we’re still learning how to effectively say “no”. 
I just don’t know at what point these tantrums are to be expected, or at what point it may be signs of autism. He has his doctors appointment next month and will bring it up there, but I can’t even bring it up to my husband without it getting dismissed. The tantrums are almost always centered around being told no/being told what to do that’s different than what he wants to do, but lately it’s been a daily occurrence. Throwing on the floor, screaming, real tears, etc. I just keep trying to not give in and talk to him calmly when this happens, because I know he has a lot of big feelings right now too

Answer

Oh that’s so hard. Tantrums can be exhausting...for everyone. 
I follow the account “big little feelings” on Instagram and have found such helpful info there! Specifically what helped me with the little one I watch was offering him a choice, either of which I found acceptable, but it gave him some power and independence. So which shirt he wants to wear. If he wants hotdog or chicken nuggets. Music on or off. Which book to read before a nap. 
Also the “10 minute miracle” which is basically just spending 10 completely undistracted minutes focused on the child and what they want to do/play. No phones out or tv or anything else.

Answer

Also, you sound like an amazing mama. It’s hard to stay calm during that and not give in, but that consistency in setting and holding boundaries is so important! It will also teach your little one how to hold their boundaries later on as well.

Answer

My son is 21 months, and this sounds pretty normal. It’s a lead in to the terrible twos. They have a lot of feelings, and don’t yet have the language to express how they feel. My son just had a full, on the floor crying tantrum because I made his snack instead of letting him make it. I give him a couple of minutes to feel how he wants to feel, offer some water (which always helps for some reason) then sit with him at his level and wait it out. For us, it usually only lasts a few minutes and then he’s back to his cheery self. He’s currently eating his snack, hugging his stuffed pig and playing with his cars.  
It is a hard transition. When they’re little, their cries mean that they need something, and we respond to that need. They’re now at an age where it’s a lot more about want than need. It sounds like y’all are doing great, just stay consistent when you say no, and try to remain calm when a tantrum occurs.

Answer

Sounds pretty normal. I read something once that was like imagine you’re at work and someone just keeps interrupting what you’re doing and telling you to do something else. Everything your toddler is doing is their “work” and we make them stop abruptly and start something else. So I try to give my now 4 year old a heads up because he still loses his shit if he’s tired or hungry and I hit him with an “ok let’s clean up and go home now”. Now I’m like hey were leaving in 5. Setting a timer on my phone. It helps. Age helps too. I don’t wanna scare you but 3 was worse than 2. But then like 3.5-4 got easier.

When is it more than a tantrum?

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