Unknown sperm donor feels like rape

Hey team,

So my wife and I have wanted children from years. We had a known sperm donor, a gay friend of ours, who was keen to donate and continue to be our friend but not fill a ‘father’ role. This fell through as he fell in love. No hard feelings but it took a while to grieve and to let go of the dreams

We then had another friend offer to donate. He and his wife wanted to get a vasectomy but wanted to see if we wanted his sperm first - so considerate! But after two years of talks and therapy it turned out he was infertile with a very low motility.

So we are thinking about using an unknown donor and it will be me that carries. The idea of it makes me feel physically sick and full of fear. I feel like I will be having the child of someone I don’t know and then, because we’re in the UK, will have this unknown person possibly in our lives forever once the child is 18. I’m worried I won’t bond with the child because it won’t look like me or have the wonderful characteristics of my wife. I’m scared I’ll always look at the child and wonder or if I will disassociate with them because they feel too alien to me.

I’m scared. I’ve wanted children my whole life and have been a paediatric carer, nursery nurse, big sister, aunty to so many children and now I feel my chance slipping away because of fear. I am seeing a therapist to try to work through this fear because it does feel like rape. Being impregnated by someone you don’t know, raising a child with 50% dna of a stranger.

Am I being irrational? Does the unknown element really matter at the end of the day? Do I need to suck it up, take the leap and keep my fingers crossed I can keep these worries out of my mind?