i just had an abortion last week. i would’ve been 8 weeks today. my husband and i found out I was pregnant SUPER unexpectedly & began to get excited about it. we had previously been trying to get pregnant (stopped trying in 2019 & kind of let nature take its course since we were told it was very unlikely it was going to happen naturally due to fertility issues amongst us both) we had a onesie made for the announcement & everything but then when we actually sat down & talked about it, we realized we were under a lot of pressure to be excited (we found out playing pregnancy roulette with a couple friends since they were late, when we realized I was the one who was pregnant it was all screaming and excitement) & we had both decided we aren’t ready for more children right now (we have a 5 yr old). we have so much going on right now and so much stress that we felt it would be selfish to bring another child into the world due to our circumstances. so we cried together, I made the appointment, we went to the appointment. thankfully i was made to feel comfortable but I’m not going to lie, when they brought in the first pill I got a pit in my stomach & started to panic a little. I never saw myself doing this but I felt it was the best decision. I didn’t feel pressured, I never felt pressured but the reality of it kind of just set in I guess.

so after the appointment I went back to the car (husband couldn’t go in due to covid) and I immediately started crying. I had a really hard time taking the 2nd set of pills. I bawled my eyes out taking them & even after the 30 minutes I went to take a drink of my water to wash down the rest of what was left & ended up vomiting. had to call the dr to see if that was normal or what to do. my husband has been so supportive the last week & has really been my rock but I know he’s feeling it too so im trying my best to be there for him like he has been for me. i hold so much guilt, and some regret bc I know our lives would be so different right now. I wake up crying. I think about anything regarding the baby and am instantly in tears.

i work for a small restaurant, we are all like a big family & they also have been SO awesome and so supportive. but im taking this really hard, this is the hardest decision I have ever made. I have all of this support but I still feel so small and so alone. im still passing clots, I’m still physically in pain. and it all seems to be a reminder. I went ghost on everyone & genuinely don’t want to talk to anyone unless I have to. i would like to think this is the grieving process except I have never grieved like this before.

I guess I’m just here for support. I’ve had a really rough week. and if anyone else wants to comment their story or vent, that is also welcome.