confused??

Question

last year, i was best friends with a guy named adam who was in a broken relationship with a girl named ella. 
adam and i were very close and i had feelings for him but i didn’t say anything because he had a girlfriend. 
but he started telling me about problems they’ve had in december of 2019 until february 2020. he had just moved to the country when they started dating so his friends were her clique and he was always scared to break up with her out of fear that he wouldn’t have anyone (but me) here. he also lived with distant relatives so he didn’t really have family. 
she had been treating him like a friend, never picking up calls, cuddling with her other guy friends while they were out. she was also never there for him, i was always there. it was to the point where on new years instead of calling her at 12am, he called me. 
when i was in a toxic relationship he was always yelling at the guy to back off. he was even a president of a club in high school and when he’d get angry he would get mad at her or other people and when he’d come up to me he’d just calm down and smile at me. 
he then told me they broke up in march and confessed that he’s had feelings for me, we started talking. then i find out a month later that he lied. but all of my friends already knew that adam and i were talking and it was bound to get to ella. adam wouldn’t tell her so i had to. she decided to blame me, despite him lying to me. 
but even after all of this i cant stop missing him. like even in his bad moments where he was angry where he was crying on the phone where he was stressed or all of the bad i missed him. 
every guy i started talking to i would compare to him and if they treated me like he did (before everything) 
and before anyone says this was manipulation, i know that in march of 2020 it was but before then we were both in relationships (he knows i would never cheat, we had also been best friends for around 2 years) and he was treating me like i was his girlfriend. he was this guy that put up a front at school, nothing bothered him. but he’d cry on the phone w me. 
i miss him a lot, and i don’t know if i was in love with him or i just miss the company but i’ve never missed anyone like this. 
and i know he hurt me which is why i won’t go back but it’s been a year and hes still on my mind. 
what do i do?

Answer

if it’s meant to be, either y’all would be together now or sometime in the future. but i would say just leave it be. and don’t go waiting on him and dodging other men cause you’re missing him and stuff . i’ve learned that people will realize things on their own and will take action how they see fit , but you can’t push them to make the right choice . they have to do it on their own for their own sake and closure purposes.

Answer

he lied?

Answer

I think it’s a loneliness, desperation, not wanting to be alone for sure, yes he was your friend, I knew when you cross the line you lost your friend, things changed and the relationship between you once trust is gone will never be the same because you will be doubting in the back of your mind if he’s even telling you the truth. Is he with who he says he is with? Is he using that as a cover, is he really working late, etc. Once trust is gone, there’s no reason to be with someone because you will doubt everything that they say and do and in the back of your mind you will think worst-case scenario’s. Once you can’t trust someone and they lie to you, you can’t believe anything that They say. I think you miss your friend, I think you’re feeling lonely and vulnerable, I think perhaps a little separation anxiety, or not wanting to be alone definitely I think you just need to keep yourself busy and forget about him, you lost your friend and whatever the possibility of him could’ve been. I think you are living in the past and not in the reality and seeing things clearly. We remember all the good times and forget the bad times and give people benefits of the doubt etc. this is why women keep having children, they forget all of the bad things that happen, from crapping the table to not being able to breathe or sleep or become for bowl in any which way the nausea vomiting having to be cut open etc. otherwise no one will keep having kids because they forget how miserable they were during pregnancy. And I think the same thing is going on here or you’re only remember the good times with him and you try not to think about the bad times are you think it was only a one time thing or you try and justify his behavior, you’re living in a haze, not in the reality of what actually is and what was, and you’re only remembering the good times and that’s why you miss him. If you think about the bad things more often, you think about how that he made you feel, how he betrayed you, you associate bad things with him rather than the good. What are you have to put it in your mind that he kills puppies for fun or whatever it may be, you need to look at him in a bad light rather than the good. Horrible eating habits picking his nose, whatever you have to do to associate bad things with him to get him out of your mind. You deserve better, you deserve happiness, you deserve love, you deserve to feel appreciated, you deserve more than this guy can offer you. Choose yourself, choose happiness, love yourself, date yourself, pamper yourself. You don’t need a man to do any of those things, a man does not complete you were define you are your happiness, you complete yourself. Never allow loneliness or desperation to be the reason that you settle for less than you deserve. You deserve the best. And it was not him. Keep yourself busy, work on yourself inside and out, seek therapy your medication if you need it, but you need to move on from him.￼￼￼

confused??

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