So I was out pretty late the other night, just chilling and trying to clear my head (where I live, we have nightly lockdowns so after sunset is pretty much time to head home). Anyway, I ran into an old friend doing patrol (he's law enforcement), and we just started talking. He suggested we go to a dark secluded area where we wouldn't be seen just in case we were out late. And I thought nothing of it, since we'd both get in trouble if we were seen with him allowing a civilian to be out after curfew. But then he started flirting, which was odd for our relationship. Next thing I knew he was pushing me against a large rock and shoving himself inside me. I screamed and tried to fight him off but he has a good 7 inches in height and 50lbs of muscle on me so it was just a waste of energy. Not to mention we were on the beach at night with nobody around to hear or help. So eventually I just stood there and let him finish. Let him take me back to my car and drove myself home. Told my boyfriend nothing, and I'm still feeling numb. Numb and stupid. Really don't feel like saying anything about it cause he's already law enforcement and why would a girl be out on the beach at that time right? It'd just be an embarrassment and a waste of time. I feel like I'm low-key going crazy, at work smiling with customers but replaying that over and over in my head. Probably never gonna say anything about it, except to you guys. 😓

**Edit: I know theoretically I should report it, but it gets sticky. Where I live, these things aren't really taken all that serious, like how it seems the USA does on tv. I have no bruises, except on my knees, that could've easily been from a consensual thing. I'm not exactly the town trollop but let's just say I'm not the virgin Mary either. So I just don't actually foresee any justice being done. I'd report him, he'd say I let him screw me, and everyone would believe him. I'd rather feel soiled and stupid in private rather than be publicly shamed on top of that. I know you guys probably mean well, but unless he'd beaten the shit out of me, or tried to kill me, he would never have any consequences. So atleast I can hold some semblance of dignity by not saying anything about it. I got a morning after before work, and once it stops replaying in my head 24/7, I should be good

Final edit: I finally admitted what happened to my best friend, and he encouraged me to tell my boyfriend, and speak to a licensed therapist. I'm happy with my choice not to report, as both men agreed that with my assailant's rank, I would've had to create a stink on social media and been very vocal in order to bring about any serious consequences, and I don't have the heart for that.