Yesterday was our drive thru baby shower. It was the most precious, special day. I mean seriously the stars aligned for a truly magical afternoon. We really could not believe the overwhelming love that was shown to us and our baby due next month. That being said, some others in our life REALLY let us down.

Let me preface with this. I am a very generous friend. I can't even count how many baby showers I have attended in the last several years. And I don't just buy something small or impractical. I always make an effort to scope out the registry early to make sure I get the couple/mama something they really want or need typically valued at around $50-$75. I then take the day off to attend since I work on Saturdays which is when showers typically are held. I am a server who usually makes on average $225 on a Saturday shift. So I give up making income and spend money on your baby. This was my policy for every shower I was invited to for years because I figured one day it would be my turn and I would receive all that I needed and wanted from those same friends. It would all come back to me in return. Since I have been with my husband these last 6-7 years I've been to well over a dozen showers. Then we started trying and had fertility issues for over two years. We were open and honest with all our friends and family about our struggles and everyone knew we had to pursue expensive fertility treatments to get pregnant. In that grueling period of waiting and trying, it of course seemed like everyone we knew was conceiving around us. I went to 6 baby showers in that couple of years alone even though it was admittedly hard to shower others when I was full of so much doubt and fear about my own prospects of being a mommy. Anyone who struggles with infertility will tell you that showers can be really hard to be around.

In fact while I was struggling to get pregnant my cousin got pregnant at age 39 with her fourth baby and I offered to throw her a shower since it was her first boy in 16 years. She became rather demanding, wanting a classy event that felt like we had gone all out. She had said her last shower thrown by a friend 5 years earlier was disappointing. There was nothing baby themed or anything to indicate it was a shower. (I figured it was that people had known it was her third baby and we're appropriately sprinkling her with a low key event). Regardless she insisted on games and decorations and the works. Again I took a Saturday off in which I didn't make money to host her friends at my home. I spent well over $600 on rentals and food and did two months of yard work to make the garden as inviting of a space as possible. Hell, I even wrapped a cake in fondant for this bitch. It was beautiful event though and I was proud of the way it turned out.

Fast forward to my day. My standards were already pretty low. We knew we were having a mid January shower due to our February due date. We expected cold rainy dismal weather. We also knew that we were expecting a baby in the deadliest surge yet of a terrifying pandemic. We made it a drive thru shower to make everyone as comfortable as possible. My mom of course got really into hosting the event, as it is her first grandbaby. She baked a gorgeous dessert bar and hired a coffee cart to whip up bougie little espresso drinks for guests who drove by. Everything was designed to keep loved ones safe.

We sent out beautiful stationary invites a month earlier, hoping they wouldn't get lost in the shuffle of Christmas cards that typically come in at that time. I understand how overwhelming it is to be invited to a January shower. You finally get done with the whirlwind of the holidays and you have to think about another gift but I was hoping people would still turn out. I invited 65 women total, which seemed like an insane number to me but I married into a huge family with lots of cousins my age. Only 10 people even responded to RSVP. Some explained they couldn't come due to travel plans but most simply disregarded the invite all together which I find quite rude but maybe I'm old fashioned. And several others RSVPd to say they were coming and then didn't. I gave many of them the benefit of the doubt and figured most probably didn't think they had to RSVP to a drive thru but of course we hoped to know how much dessert to bake. People showed up I never expected who simply got wind of the fact that we were hosting something. And others were no shows.

11 days before the event my cousin who I threw a lavish shower for texted to say that three people at her work tested positive for covid-19 and that she had every intention of coming but now had to quarantine. Then she told my sister a different story about how her nanny thought they had been exposed. Not sure what to believe but my cousin is a bit of a pathological liar. Meanwhile my other cousin a couple days later texted to ask when the event was admitting that she had lost the invite and forgot to ask for time off. This cousin also had a baby last year just a few months after the one I showered. This one, I watched her baby for free while I was laid off in the early days of pandemic, after of course buying her a lovely, personal shower gift. This is a person who got married and pregnant right after each event so within one year I had attended her bridal shower, bachelorette party, wedding, and baby shower. That's a lot of Saturdays. That's a lot of missed income for me. So for this person to simply forget to ask for time off feels like a sting.

Speaking of which, my husband and I don't have a lot of events that we've asked people to be there for us. We eloped privately, just the two of us, after years together because we really didn't want all the fuss. Meaning, we didn't have a bridal shower, we didn't have a wedding..we don't often ask people to dress up or rearrange their schedule or buy us gifts. So not only do we hardly require that others celebrate us but we also threw y'all a soft ball of a celebration. We were registered on amazon so you could have gifts sent to our house contactless. If you felt uncomfortable you didn't even have to roll down your windows, we could have just set dessert in your trunk. Hell you didn't even have to put on pants if you didn't feel like it. And you certainly didn't have to take the day off for a 15 minutes loop through my mom's neighborhood.

A few dear friends had legitimately good excuses. One went into labor the night before. Another lost her father two days earlier unexpectedly due to a stroke. I completely understand the need to cancel under circumstances like that. And several of my server friends have been laid off for months and I understand the hardship completely, but even just to drive by and wave and smile would have been all the gift we craved. But for everyone else, come on now. I made this easy. This should have been effortless.

I'm really shocked. When I asked everyone in early December for their addresses to send invites they all sounded so excited to attend. I guess it was all talk. I woke up this morning after posting a couple pictures to several texts saying sorry they regret they couldn't make it. I refuse to even acknowledge these. I guess we just aren't important enough. And that's also shocking. You would think that when a couple that you've been rooting for to get pregnant finally has their turn, you would be ecstatic to show them how happy you are.

I sound ungrateful but I'm really not. The day ended up being sunny and beautiful. And the people who showed up really showed up and were so generous. And the pregnant lady in me is just happy I got to eat dessert all day lol. But yeah, it was eye opening. I'm done doing shit for anybody except for the 22 people who made me feel special when it was finally my turn.