Holding on for dear life

Does anyone ever feel like giving up? Like question life itself? I don’t have anyone at all but my kids. My kids father lives with me but I have rules and parenting guidelines that I feel should be followed but aren’t. He calls people talking about me and wanting to leave when I say something. He doesn’t talk our kids right. I currently don’t have transportation so I ask family to help when they can and it’s always a flip flop situation. I offer gas if I have it. I pay all my bills in full so money is tight. I don’t have any friends. I suffer from depression and anxiety so I do counseling once a week. I want to do better and follow my dreams but like where do I even begin? I don’t trust everyone with my kids but then again it’s hard to find a sitter. I feel lost and stuck. I feel like I could be giving my kids so much better if I just get up and follow my dreams. I’m so lonely and can’t trust anyone. I like to live a private life and so with that being said I’ve shared things with loved ones I feel like I can trust while they’ve told everything there is to possibly know about my household. Fighting for a mans love that has clearly stated he could never be with me or love me the way I need to be but wants sex and money. Being pregnant and not knowing which one of the guys is the father. Don’t get me wrong I’ve done my dirt and I’m no angel but I can 100% own up to it and let it be known. I’m sorry if this is in shambles but I’m so lost and confused and not wanting to live any longer. I would never do anything to harm myself just tired of it all. Overthinking, stressing, ass kissing, fighting and arguing. Learning to love myself while still trying to please others. I’m tired!