It is tough sometimes to remember where I started, why I started and how far I have (or have not) come. There are so many facets of me... and at different times some seem to be more encompassing than others or more shiny and reflective then I thought... things that I expected to “define” don’t... and things I expected to shrink from end up being an into grad part of my core... my fiber. I find myself at the twilight of my 30’s, established and respect in my field... a 17 yr old man who will be embarking on his own adventure soon (don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry) with his amazingly inspirational girlfriend of 2 1/2 years who I am incredibly in love with myself(totally as mother mother by the way... don’t be a creeper).../ not just a mom but the center of the world to a 14-year-old son who has just started dating and it’s so eerily like myself that at times it comforts but when it doesn’t it terrifies me..... and now I’m finding I’m moving from Mommy to mom to a preteen female who has just hit puberty at 11 and is turning into this amazing strong woman that I am just so stinking proud of. At the same time I am terrified that I am going to fail not just at being the mother that this young impressionable moldable woman of the future needs.... but the mom in the adult mom that the two males that I adore that are growing up near as well. No all of this mom stuff is just mind blowing on top of my identity as a wife to a man that I adore. Although my relationship with him is leaps and bounds different than it was 20 years ago and is it appointed I never expected in both positive and negative aspects. We are both growing and changing and getting older a different rates. Ringing it hard to accept but comfortable at the same time. I find I’m not the headstrong, bisexual, anti marriage youth that I was... The things that I labeled as a values seem to have dissipated to such an extreme that some are undetectable and others I am afraid I’m barely there yet I know are so deeply a part of my identity....

IDENTITY.... wtf exactly does that mean... I mean personally... I guess I am posing this question bc I find myself, yet again... asking myself this question. So while upon this search I pose the question to my fellow woman of strength!

Where are you at? Is it where are you expected to be? Are you OK with it? What turns did you not expect and what others did you expect that didn’t happen? Regrets? Proud achievements? What is the sum of your life so far??

PLEASE... don’t wake me up just yet!!!